Just Because You’re In Love Doesn’t Mean It’s Going To Last

When you’re single and looking for love, it’s hard to imagine the reality of what actually occurs once you’re actually in a relationship with a guy you can envision a future with — and sometimes it’s not quite like you imagined it. The truth is, love isn’t easy, and it’s not enough to save a relationship if other things are wrong. Basically, you can be totally in love with someone but still break up, even if you really, really don’t want to. Here are 11 reasons that you might end up leaving the one you love behind, despite your strong feelings.

  1. You’ve changed. Your high school sweetheart probably fell into this category. He was your first love and you’ll forever love him, but you’re just not on the same path anymore. The truth is, we change so much during our 20s, and even our 30s, as we get to know ourselves and settle into the life we want to lead for the rest of our days. Often times that’s different than the life your significant other wants, and it’s just not going to last.
  2. He isn’t happy. No one should be running for the hills the second relationships get real, but if the long term state of his mental health is affecting yours and the more conventional methods like therapy medical intervention doesn’t help, it might be time to move on.
  3. You don’t trust him. No one said love was logical, and as hard as it is to walk away from the best relationship you’ve ever had, if it doesn’t meet your real requirements, it just can’t last. If you’re worked up every time he leaves the house because you don’t know what he’s doing, or you find yourself second guessing everything he tells you because you suspect he’s not telling the truth, you’ll drive yourself mad. No one can live like that, and a relationship certainly can’t survive.
  4. There are more bad times than good ones. The good times might be the best times you’ve ever had, but when they’re outnumbered by rough times, that doesn’t balance out and it’s not worth sticking around for. Every couple goes through rough patches, but if those patches are lasting months – or, God forbid, years – there’s obviously a bigger problem.
  5. You’re ready to make a major move. And he isn’t. There are a lot of reasons why moving comes up in life, but when the two of you are totally split on the decision, there might be only one option for you to take. Whether you’re thinking of relocating for school, career, or just for a change of scenery, it’s not really fair to expect him to uproot his own life if he’s not into it, and this could quickly become a deal breaker.
  6. You’re ready to settle down, but he’s not sure if he wants kids. A lot of us twentysomethings could use, like, 30 more years of work and play time before we’d like to even think about starting a family, but biology doesn’t always see it that way. If you find yourself changing your plans about starting a family to suit him, you’ll be setting yourself up for a life of regret and resentment.
  7. He’s ready to settle down, but you know you’d never marry him. No matter how much a relationship makes sense in the moment, there comes a time where you have to let some people go because you know you would only be holding them back. There’s no use telling yourself that you might eventually feel the same. If you’re not on the same page now, you won’t magically see him as husband material five years from now.
  8. You love him like a friend… and only a friend. Sometimes the dynamics in relationships change, and sometimes what we want changes – it’s natural. And while it’s great to have your boyfriend also double as your best friend, if you’re only seeing him platonically these days and can’t imagine him sexually and romantically anymore, leaving might be on your mind (or at least it should be).
  9. He starts expecting you to change. Growth is necessary, but changing who you are to fit someone else’s mold isn’t. Let’s say he suddenly changed religions and expected you to do the same, except you don’t believe in that faith (or any at all). Sometimes it just doesn’t work. You never have to be anyone but who you are.
  10. You fell in love with someone else. It does occasionally happen outside of the movies, and it’s one of the more complicated things that can occur. But supposedly when you know, you know. Whatever you do, have the guts and the human decency to tell him to his face before getting into something with the other person. Cheating should never be an option.
  11. He doesn’t love you in the way you need to be loved. If you ever find yourself trying to convince or force someone into loving you through your daily actions, you might have already lost the relationship. And no amount of one-sided love can keep it alive.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com