Just Because Your Ex Was A Jerk Doesn’t Mean All Guys Are

Just Because Your Ex Was A Jerk Doesn’t Mean All Guys Are ©iStock/Goxy89

Even if you just got out of a relationship with a terrible guy who wasn’t worth your time, you shouldn’t peg all men as being losers. Before lamenting that you’ll never find your perfect match based on the few losers from your past, here are a few reasons why you can’t fall into the hole of assuming all men are going to break your heart:

  1. Every guy has different values. You and your friends typically share a lot of the same beliefs and interests, but you were likely raised quite differently. The same goes for men — just because some of them never learned how to keep a steady girlfriend, it doesn’t mean that ALL of them are clueless on how to nurture a blooming relationship. If anything, based on your exposure to your jerk ex, now you just have better intel on how to weed out future jerks.
  2. You’re setting yourself up to fail in love. If you start hating men or start doubting their interest in you, you’re dooming yourself for complete failure. By imagining the eventual breakup, you’ll be on edge during the best part of any relationship — the part where even seeing him gives you butterflies. He’ll dump you if you keep telling yourself on a daily basis that he’ll dump you.
  3. This attitude will only make you judgmental. Angry at guys? Then, you might take it out on your best friend’s boyfriend. Or even your close guy friends, who want to support you when you’re feeling down, but not feel insulted during the process. Nobody wants to hang out with someone who constantly passes judgment, so you don’t want to be the girl who accidentally loses her social circle based on a breakup.
  4. Because really, good guys aren’t a myth. There’s plenty of them out there — they’re not unicorns or leprechauns. You might hear similar horror stories based on friends trying to support you, but if all men were truly evil, we’d all be single. And likely severely underpopulated.
  5. If you keep on projecting, it’ll look like you’re not over him. This guy was an idiot and doesn’t require any more time or thought. If you keep projecting the hurt he caused you on to others, it’ll be even harder to erase this loser from your brain for good. It happened, it sucked, it’s over. Move on for good.
  6. You don’t want to waste your best dating years due to someone who just wasn’t worth it. This guy left a bitter taste in your mouth, but the absolute worst thing you can do is make it seem like you can’t move on and meet someone better. The more you sit and stew and feel sorry for yourself about what went down, the fewer chances you’ll give yourself to turn things around during your prime dating years. Remember, living well truly is the best revenge.
  7. Everyone is entitled to a chance. Have you ever walked into a bar, or a party, and had like… three girls immediately give you a dirty look? Girls you’ve never even met before? Girls who assumed, wrongly, that you were there to steal their guys or their attention? It’s not a good feeling — you feel like an outcast before you even get a chance to say hello. You don’t want to turn that around and treat guys the same way. Before you label them, you need to give them a chance and get to know them. Be the better person.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.