I really should have known better than to ignore a major red flag. However, I wanted to trust him, so when my now-ex-boyfriend said his friend was “just a friend,” I believed him. Big mistake. Here’s what happened.
I’ve always been the jealous type, but I’m trying to change.
When I first met this guy and he told me that he had some strong female friendships, my knee-jerk reaction was to be worried that something romantic would happen with one of them. Still, I was trying to change my tendency to become crazy jealous, so I tried to be more accepting and rational.
Things just didn’t seem right.
There was one friend of his who stood out for me specifically. From the moment I met her, I just got this sense that there was something else going on with her and my boyfriend. For some reason, the alarm bells were ringing loud and clear.
I tried to get closer to her but it just stressed me out more.
You know what they say: keep your friends close and your (potential) enemies closer. I tried to get to know her a bit more, thinking that it would make me feel better to see what she was like and to hear that she had a boyfriend or husband and three kids. Wishful thinking. Once I got to know her, my nerves got worse instead of better. She was always talking about my boyfriend and the fun times they shared. They’d known each other for almost a decade, so it was clear they had a bond. Was there something more to it?
I noticed that he treated her differently.
They always say you can tell if a guy likes a woman by how he treats her differently than other women in the room. My boyfriend treated this friend of his unlike any of his other friends. He didn’t ruffle up her hair and tease her as though she were one of the boys. He treated her like she was made of fine porcelain.
They texted—a lot.
When we were all hanging out, I often felt like a third wheel when he and his friend started chatting and laughing. However, when my boyfriend and I were alone together, it was still like she was still in the room. They texted each other all the time and he was constantly telling me the funny things she said. It was like he was trying to include me, but it didn’t help me feel any better about the situation.
Then she got a boyfriend.
Happy days! I thought that things would finally change and I’d feel more secure in my relationship when this friend started dating a guy she’d met online. Unfortunately, it only made things worse.
My boyfriend acted jealous.
It turns out I wasn’t the only jealous person in this social circle. My boyfriend started acting jealous when his friend got someone new. He was cold to the guy when we all met him and I actually thought her date was wonderful. He always looked pissed off when his friend brought her new guy to hang out with all of us.
He actually ranted to me about his feelings.
One night, when we were leaving a party at which we’d seen his friend and her BF, my boyfriend told me that he missed his friend because they never spoke much now that she had someone new. He added that she could do so much better than that guy and that she was worth so much more. This rant went on for half an hour, by the end of which I realized he wanted her.
Then came the corner conversations.
You’d think my BF would have just let it go. Yes, he missed his friend and I could understand that, but he was acting like a jealous lover. This was confirmed when we all went out for dinner and I found him in a corner with his friend. They were having an intense conversation that involved them standing so close together that it looked like they were about to kiss.
I was enraged.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I pretended not to see them but then later I asked my boyfriend straight up, “Are you into her?” He got angry, saying that I was delusional and crazy. It just confirmed it for me. I left the party, not wanting to be around him.
He texted the next day.
He didn’t run after me. He didn’t call me. He didn’t even text me to see that I got home safe. He only got in touch the next day and he dropped a bomb: he said that he wanted to be with her instead of me. He’d been trying to hide his feelings for her and he couldn’t do it anymore. Great.
I wanted to kick myself.
I wish I could go back in time and ended things with him before he chose her over me. I could’ve saved myself the drama of what I’d always known in my gut was going to happen. At least I’ve learned to spot the signs in future.
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