Just Because I’m Good With Kids Doesn’t Mean I Want Any Of My Own

I absolutely adore children and I’ve been told many times by people how great I am with them, so when I mention that I don’t want any of my own, people don’t seem to get it. I like kids but I prefer my own life to remain child-free—what’s so hard to comprehend?

  1. Kids cost A LOT. Maybe I’m a bit selfish, but when I think of the financial costs that come with having and raising a child, that’s enough to stop me in my tracks before I get started. I do alright for myself and I’m not living paycheck to paycheck at the moment but I definitely don’t have the extra funds to take care of another human. I’m alright where I am, living within my means, and I think I’ll stay here.
  2. I’m worried about passing down my own flaws. This sounds like an excuse to some people but I’m legitimately worried about passing down some of my more negative qualities to a child. I suffer from depression and anxiety at times and it’s hard enough dealing with that myself. I don’t want my child to have to go through the same hardships I’ve had to go through.
  3. My lifestyle isn’t child-friendly. I like to be spontaneous and sometimes make decisions on a whim, and if I had a little person to worry about it, it’d be a lot harder to do that.  Overall, I think I’d be OK if I had to give that up for a child, but I’m not going to do that willingly. I like my life and what I’ve worked for. I enjoy being able to spend the money I’ve saved on frivolous things and I don’t want that to stop.
  4. I can be successful without having children. One thing that’s always bothered me is how many people measure success with having a family. I have a great job with over 10 years of experience at the same company, I own my own home and I have very little debt. I consider myself to be successful, but I’m often told my life would be better with a kid. I don’t need anyone’s validation that because I truly am proud of all I’ve accomplished. Still, it’d be nice if I didn’t have to hear the “you’re not complete until you have a family” comment so often.
  5. I get stressed way too easily. If I’m being honest, my tolerance for stress is almost non-existent. If something doesn’t go according to plan, I can make it work, but I’ll have about six panic attacks doing so. With a child, that stress level would be a lot higher and I’d worry about myself and how I’d handle being in that position. I can handle it in small doses if I happen to be around kids, but if it was constant, I know the stress would be too much for me.
  6. There’s a lot of pressure to raise kids a certain way. Even if I know that my opinion is really the only one that matters when it comes to how I raise my theoretical kids children, I don’t think I’d be able to handle the criticism as well as others. I have a need for validation and this would send me over the edge. I worry that I’ll succumb to the pressure to do things a specific way to avoid upsetting anyone trying to help me and I know that wouldn’t be the right thing to do.
  7. The state of the world frightens me. I don’t want to get too political, but even putting politics aside, the way the world seems to be heading is unsettling. Bringing a child into this makes me nervous about their future. I’m already worried enough about mine—the last thing I want to do is put an innocent child through anything similar and possibly worse. I know that things may change and the world has opportunities to get better, but it’s not a risk that I want to take, especially with someone I created.
  8. Honestly, I don’t really even need a reason. Though I think I have valid points as to why I can love and enjoy kids but not want any of my own, do I really need to make any? The fact that I simply don’t want them should be enough. I’ve never had that maternal craving and even if I’m happy and content when they’re around and know what I’m doing when it comes to taking care of them, that’s more than enough for me. I’m satisfied with my life as-is and really don’t want to change things up too much. That’s all I should have to say about it.
jordan is a writer from salt lake city who enjoys a good steak, her dog, and conversations about how radiohead is awesome. she hopes to be a talking head on some VH1 pop-culture show someday and can curate a playlist for any occasion. when she grows up she wants to be an olsen twin.