Just Because We’re Not Official Yet Doesn’t Mean We Shouldn’t Be Exclusive

The worst part of meeting a guy that I really like is that awkward AF stage between the first date and being in a real relationship. It drives me crazy that we can’t define things when I’m not interested in anyone else and I want to be the only one that you’re dating too. Here’s why we need to be exclusive even though we’re not official yet:

  1. I’m taking a chance on you. When you’ve been single forever, it takes a lot to open yourself up to someone new. I’m taking a massive risk by putting my heart on the line for you. I don’t want to put in the time and effort if you’re going to be dating two other women at the same time.
  2. I’m dating you for a reason. If we’re moving past the first date, that means that I really like you. I think that you might get me and that you might be the one that I’ve been waiting for. I wouldn’t date just anyone, so if I’m dating you, it’s because I want to date YOU. If you don’t feel the same, I’d rather know now. If you ARE on the same page, being exclusive should be no big deal.
  3. I want my investment to pay off. Want to date around? You might as well end things before they’ve even truly started. I’m investing a lot in you, from my time to my feelings and my hope. I really don’t want that time to go to waste. I’m not saying we’re going to last forever — it’s way too early to tell anything like that — but I do want us to have a chance at building something real and potentially long-term.
  4. I need to be taken seriously. I take you seriously and expect you to do the same. I’m not playing the field, so why would you feel the need to? It’s a matter of respect and decency. I can give you that and we think you should return the favor. If you’re not in a place right now where you want to get real with just one woman, I need to know.
  5. We’re not dating in the dark ages. Back in the 1950s, couples were probably official right off the bat and there was no such thing as causally dating or waiting to have The Talk. But dating in a different, modern time means that nothing kills the romance faster than a super early talk about where things are going. I don’t want to be that person. I think it’s normal to expect to be exclusive while we’re on the road to defining things.
  6. I start dreaming about real love the longer we’re together. If I like you enough to keep dating you, then that means that I’m starting to think that this could really go somewhere. It would be awesome if you would be exclusive so I don’t look like a total fool for thinking that falling in love with you was actually possible.
  7. I deserve to be loved. Not in an ‘almost not quite’ kind of way, but for real. If you can’t be exclusive, it’s like you’re saying that you don’t think I deserve your undivided attention, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t expect to be your whole life — I’d never make a guy my whole life, either — but I would like to be the only woman you’re dating.
  8. I want to build something here. No matter how awkward this in-between stage is, I have to admit that I kind of enjoy the chance to build a relationship from scratch. I want to write this love story with you and we can’t do that if you’ve got three other women on speed dial.
  9. I can’t handle another disappointment. The worst part of thinking that I could really fall for you is worrying that things are going to fall apart before they’ve even truly started. I expect you to date me and only me while we figure out what this thing is between us because otherwise, you’re going to be another disappointment to add to my already long list — and that would really suck.
  10. I think it’s only a matter of time. If I’m dating you, that means that I like you enough to consider the whole commitment thing, and that means that to me, making things official is more of a formality than anything else. I feel like having that serious conversation is only inevitable, so we might as well date only each other. Let’s call it pre-commitment. If the idea of only dating us freaks you out, then you might as well tell me so I can find someone who will always be exclusive, official or not.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.