Just When I Stopped Believing In True Love, I Found It

Once upon a time, I believed that every girl would undoubtedly get her happily ever after, including me. I spent years searching for my own Mr. Right, only to be left disappointed, disillusioned and single AF. Eventually, I stopped believing in “The One” altogether… and that’s exactly what helped me find him.

  1. I realized I didn’t need true love to survive. The worst part of believing in true love is the fear you’ll never find it. I almost let that fear eat me alive, but eventually I was sick of letting my lack of a love life get me down. I thought the worst fate in life would be to never find true love, but one day I woke up and I realized that even if I never found love, my life would go on. It was like a weight lifted from my shoulders.
  2. I didn’t worry about the future anymore. That was how I started living in the present. I was so worried about who I’d end up with that I wasn’t enjoying where I was. I thought my life was all about the end game, but I finally realized that it’s about the journey. I stopped planning my entire future, and that’s how I started living my life. Funny enough, the men around me definitely noticed.
  3. I still wanted a guy but I didn’t need one. That’s what men really want — to be wanted, not needed. Once I stopped believing in true love, I realized that I didn’t actually need a guy to survive. I was fine all on my own and as soon as I accepted that, I opened my heart to true love. I started wanting a companion, not needing a hero to save me from the single life.
  4. I found true independence. For once, my life started to be about me. I was no longer a half looking for someone else to make me whole. I became whole on my own, and that felt really good. I wasn’t weak and needy anymore, I was finally strong. In turn, I found out that strength made me attractive because nothing is sexier than a woman who’s not afraid to be on her own.
  5. I realized that you don’t always get what you deserve. We all deserve true love. We all deserve a guy who’s going to treat us right but that doesn’t mean we’ll get it. I wasn’t going to settle for someone that was any less, but once I accepted that true love wasn’t a guarantee, I didn’t need to obsess over finding it anymore.
  6. I found a way to be happy even though I was single. I used to think that true love would be the thing to make me happy. I kept prolonging my own happiness by making it a reward I’d get once I achieved my goal of finding a guy, but finally I decided to stop putting it off. I stopped believing in true love and I became my own source of happiness. I loved my life, and that happiness is the thing that brought me to Mr. Right because no one is attracted to negativity.
  7. I realized there was more to life than a relationship. My life had more meaning that the mission to land a boyfriend. My love life used to be my number one priority and that made me ignore the rest of my life. It was all about the men I dated and nothing about me. Once I stopped believing in love, I realized that I wanted to be more than just the girl standing next to some guy, and the man I met loved that about me.
  8. I discovered who I really am. I used to let myself be defined by my relationships (or lack thereof), but not anymore. When I believed in true love, I focused all my attention on who the man I’d marry would be. Once I stopped believing, though, I started focusing on who I am and who *I* want to be. I was finally able to get in touch with myself, it just took letting go of my true love obsession to do it.
  9. I didn’t need someone else to love me because I loved myself. That was the problem before. I was looking for love in all the wrong places when where I really should have been looking was from within. I needed to love myself first before I could truly allow anyone else to love me. I needed to realize that I was worthy of love because I loved myself. Without that confidence, true love would have never come for me.
  10. I stopped being afraid of the unknown. When I believed in true love, my greatest fear was that I’d never find it. When I stopped believing I started to accept that I couldn’t control the unknown. If I couldn’t control it, why try? I accepted the fact that I might end up alone, and once I did that I was no longer afraid. Regardless of if I truly were forever alone, my life would always have meaning.
  11. I stopped obsessing over finding “The One.” I was finally free to just enjoy my life. I was no longer on a wild goose chase. Going out was no longer marked by the mission to find a man. I wasn’t searching anymore. I was ready to stop looking and when I did, when the pressure was finally off, that’s when love finally found me.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.