Just Because You’re My Boyfriend Doesn’t Mean You Can Get Away With These Things

I’ll put up with a lot in the name of love, but even I have to draw the line somewhere. If you’re doing any of these things, you can be sure that I won’t stick around no matter how much I enjoy dating you.

  1. Bringing me drama I’m here to support you through tough times, but I won’t be made to feel like you’re always throwing drama my way or expecting me to clean up your mistakes. Just because I’m your GF doesn’t mean I need to solve your crap.
  2. Killing my mood I can be negative sometimes just like anyone else, but I can’t stand being with someone who’s a rainstorm every single day. There’s enough crap to deal with in the world. I don’t need to feel drained because you’re always spitting on my parade.
  3. Flirting with other women Just because “I should know you love me” doesn’t mean that I’ll put up with you flirting. It’s inappropriate and makes me feel like crap. It might not be cheating, but it’s not cool because it’s disrespectful to me. Period.
  4. Making me feel I can’t compete with your exes When you throw in that your ex was “always in the gym”, you’re really saying she had a nice body. When you tell me that your ex never argued with you about something I am arguing with you about, you’re basically saying I am unreasonable whereas she wasn’t. Screw that. I’m not going to be manipulated like this.
  5. No longer making an effort When you were courting me, you were probably making a huge effort to make me happy. But if this stops, I won’t stick around. Whether we’ve been together for three months or three years, you should work just as hard as me to keep the relationship strong.
  6. Living like a bachelor when you feel like it You can’t tell me how much of a priority I am in your life and then want to spend most of your free time with the boys. You’re either completely in this relationship or you’re out — you can’t check out of it when you feel you need a holiday.
  7. Not listening to what I need in the bedroom I don’t take lightly to someone not communicating about sex. How are we supposed to give each other pleasure and bond if we don’t? If you’re not interested in what I need in the bedroom, then you’re saying my feelings don’t matter. Not cool.
  8. Not supporting me I need someone who will be there for me for the small things, such as if I’m having a problem at work I need to talk about, and for the bigger things, such as if I want to pursue my dreams. I don’t want to feel like I’m carrying all my struggles alone, especially if I’m always ready to help you with yours.
  9. Not communicating properly If you’ve changed how you communicate, such as by interrupting me even though you used to be a great listener, that’s a turn-off. I want to feel that we’re actually taking time to communicate with each other; otherwise what do we really have? A future where we sit in the same room and never speak? Yuck.
  10. Making me feel bad for my past You might want to know “my number“, or perhaps you want to know why I dated my ex who was such a jerk. That’s cool and I’m up for that conversation, but not if you use it against me or make me feel badly for my past. You don’t have a right, even if you are my boyfriend.
  11. Expecting sex Um, just because we’re in a long-term relationship, it doesn’t mean that you can expect sex at the drop of a hat. You should care about whether I’m horny or not, and if I’m keen to do it or still pissed off with you over a recent argument. Don’t just assume that you get sex any time you like.
  12. Making me feel nothing I do is enough There’s nothing worse than feeling like all the things I do for you fall short of what you want and being criticized for it all the time. That makes me feel like crap and will eventually make me stop trying altogether. You should value me for who I am, not for what I do.
  13. Making me feel lonely I don’t want to be lonely in a relationship. I don’t want to feel like I’m carrying all the emotional baggage without any help from you or that I don’t have someone who will lend a golden ear when I need it. One of the most important things about being in a relationship is having each other’s backs.
  14. Not resolving issues If our arguments end without being resolved because you don’t want to talk through our issues, there’s a huge problem. I’ll try to make things work, but you’ve got to meet me halfway.
  15. Expecting me to lose who I am Just because we’re together doesn’t mean that I don’t have goals, dreams, hobbies, and friends of my own. I won’t neglect who I am and what I need outside of the relationship just to keep you happy. That’s an easy way to lose myself, and honestly, I’d rather lose you.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.