I’ve actively tried to take charge of my dating life lately and I haven’t been having the best of luck. It’s because I have a lot of feelings and I express them. This has been scaring people off because they always tell me I like them more than they like me. Oh well!
I have a lot of feelings. Perhaps I’m an overly sensitive person but I’m generally pretty emotional 24/7. I have feelings for the other person as well as a bunch of general feelings like fear, which takes up a ton of space in my mind. I’m worried about things not working out or them just generally disliking me. I’m OK with how many feelings I have, though—it gives me character.
I’m not afraid to express my feelings. When I start to develop feelings for someone, I tell them. Even though I’m taking a risk, it’s worth it to me. I share about vulnerable things even though it scares the crap out of me. If this expression scares people away, then so be it. I have to be true to myself at the end of the day.
It hurts too much to suppress feelings. Have you ever tried sitting on a feeling that was swelling inside of you? It feels terrible! It’s almost impossible for me to ignore how I’m feeling and to carry on as if nothing’s wrong. Plus, who is it serving? It’s certainly not helping me out and it’s really doing an injustice to the other person. Honesty is the best bet, no matter the outcome.
My honesty scares a lot of people away. It’s been happening to me frequently lately. I’m straightforward about my feelings towards the person, they freak out, and they run away. It doesn’t matter in the end. While it hurts, this is a small price to pay for staying true to myself.
I want to be exclusive pretty quickly. One of the biggest ways I scare people away is by bringing up exclusivity. I bring it up pretty early on because that’s just how I roll and many people aren’t receptive to this. My desire for exclusivity at the beginning of a relationship isn’t unreasonable, it just doesn’t align with what many other people want. Others tend to want to wait a few months or so, which just means we’re not meant for each other.
Rejection is hard. No one enjoys being rejected. It cuts to the core and can awaken some of your deepest anxieties. For me, being rejected definitely sucks, but it’s an inevitable part of this whole dating process. Sometimes I’ll be the one doing the rejecting and other times I’ll be the one on the receiving end. I have to remind myself that I’m still a worthwhile human being no matter what another person thinks of me.
I try not to take it personally. It feels very much personal at the moment, like they’re targeting me and I’m unworthy in some way. My head can start to spin off on tangents about how I’m unworthy and unlovable. At this point, I have to reel it back in and remind myself how untrue that is. I have to remember that this is the other person’s journey and it’s time for our paths to diverge.
Ultimately, I say good riddance. At the end of the day, if someone is terrified by my showing of feelings, there’s no way they’d be able to handle more of me. While it’s challenging to say goodbye to people I like, it’s ultimately the right choice.
I won’t apologize for the way I am. Some of my friends try to convince me that I’m doing dating wrong. They say I should chill out and to tone down my feelings but this is nonsense. The way that I date is totally OK. I’ve mostly made peace with my style. I’m an intense person and if people can’t handle me then so be it. I am who I am.
There will be someone who can meet me where I’m at. I really believe there’s a lid for every pot. There will be someone out there who isn’t freaked out by the boldness that is me. They’ll be able to accept my emotions, they’ll be up for exclusivity, and they won’t freak out when I tell them I like them. I’ve only met people I’m incompatible with so far and I’m sure there will be others. In the meantime, I’ll just enjoy my own company.
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