How To Keep Your Standards High Even When You’re Tired Of Being Single

Being single AF long-term means there’s always one big question on your mind: should you settle? You don’t want to end up with someone that doesn’t excite you, but on the other hand, you would love to move on from the solo life. It’s a serious conundrum. There’s no reason to give up the fight for true love, though. Here’s how to keep your standards high even when all you want is a boyfriend:

  1. Think about the big picture. Yes, in the short term, it would be great to turn your next first date into a relationship. You won’t have to keep dating (score) and you’ll be thrilled. But… you won’t like him, so it won’t matter that it was super easy to date this guy. Think about the big picture and remember the type of person that you see yourself with in the long run. It sucks and it’s not fun but it’ll ultimately be worth it.
  2. Never force anything. You’ve definitely settled without even realizing it in the past, and it was only with the beauty of hindsight that you figured out what was going on. Instead of lamenting how long you’ve been on your own, make sure that if you go on a second date with someone, you really like them and you believe there’s a chance of things working out. If a little voice is telling you to walk away, you should listen.
  3. Remember the settling horror stories. Let’s face it—you have some friends who have settled big time. They’re staying in relationships because it’s easy, because it’s convenient, and because they’ve been together for years. Do you want to be like them? Hell no. Remember this when your dating life is all first dates and nothing else.
  4. Cancel your pity party. There’s no point feeling sorry for yourself. You’re just going to feel even worse and your friends will get sick of your negativity. Pull yourself together and remember that every woman who’s fallen in love has been standing where you are now. You’re not the only one who has had a tough time finding the right guy, so why would you act like it?
  5. Tell yourself that quitting would be worse than hanging in there. After every bad date, you wonder if the pain is worth it and if you should just stay single for the rest of your life. Would it really be so bad? Why are you putting yourself through this? When you start spiraling, tell yourself that giving up is actually much worse than staying the course. You’d always be haunted by regrets and wondering ‘what if?’ and that’s no good.
  6. Keep your sense of pride. Chances are, you’re a super confident, independent woman, and you never want a guy to change that. Lowering your standards would only mean feeling ashamed and not being able to recognize your own face in the mirror. You obviously don’t want that.
  7. Stop trying to control your love life. This is much easier said than actually accomplished. When you’re a girl boss, you’re used to making plans and getting stuff done. That’s great for your career and not so awesome for your romantic prospects. Stop trying to control your love life and let fate work hard instead. If that means letting more guys ask you out and letting them move things forward and get in touch, then so be it.
  8. Actually date by your dealbreakers. No, you’re not crazy for wanting a guy with a career and a work ethic. And an apartment. And some maturity and interests and a sense of humor too. You probably figure that you never know who you’re going to fall in love with and that you should open up your mind a bit more, but the truth is that your dealbreakers are super helpful.
  9. Don’t give people the benefit of the doubt. You’re not being a jerk if you’ve had one too many bad experiences with guys who are unemployed or, on the other end of the spectrum, total workaholics. Listen to yourself and let your past be the best advice giver of all.
  10. Tell yourself that being single is better than being miserable and coupled up. This should be your single girl motto. Whenever you need to cheer yourself up, remember this. Even though it’s hard to believe it, it’s seriously true.
  11. Let the guys do some of the work. Sure, it’s 2017 and women can make the first move and all that jazz. But if you’re always the one sending a text saying you had a good time on a first date, maybe it’s time to switch things up. Once you let the universe do its thing, you will realize that if a guy wants to see you again, he will text you and tell you. Give up some of the control and you just might find love.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.