If You Keep Writing Off Guys Because They’re Not Your Type, Consider This

If You Keep Writing Off Guys Because They’re Not Your Type, Consider This ©iStock/AmmentorpDK

A lot of guys aren’t going to be your type — in fact, most of them probably won’t be. That being said, it’s not all that productive to decide that ahead of time without getting to know people, because you just might be ruling out a pretty great potential boyfriend. You might think weeding guys out in advance is a good thing so that you don’t waste anyone’s time, but sometimes you’re actually screwing yourself over. Here are a few things to consider before writing a guy off because he’s not your type:

  1. Whether you’re just scared. If there’s even the slightest part of you that’s scared about what might happen if you were to go for someone outside of current standards, then it means that you should definitely try it. Sometimes fear can be rational, but often times — especially when it comes to love — it’s based on “what if”s that keep you from taking a chance.
  2. How well your type has been working out for you. If your “type” hasn’t worked out for you thus far, then maybe it’s time to broaden your horizons. It’s not necessarily that you got it wrong in terms of the kinds of guys you like, but that’s pretty useless if it doesn’t actually yield any results. That’s like saying you only eat green apples because you like the color but you’ve never even tried a Fuji or a Gala, and those babies are delicious.
  3. Whether you’ve ever stepped outside the box before. Your type has probably evolved over the years, and it’ll probably continue to do so as you grow and change. If you don’t think so, just think back to who you were crushing on in middle school and whether they would still light your fire. Probably not. Why not update your preferences to reflect who you are now?
  4. How much of a control freak you are when it comes to love. If loosening your grip on what you think is your type makes you feel out of control, think about why. If you don’t have a type, do you worry you’ll go for the wrong guy? Will some guy force his way into your life without your approval? Will you have to admit that you’re totally irrational about dating? Think about it.
  5. Why you would want to limit your options. Having a type truly limits your options. You might have really good reasons why your type only includes professional athletes or something, but obviously that rules out most of the world. Extreme example, but you get it. If your type is limiting, consider why you’re comfortable doing that.
  6. Whether you listen too much to other people. Is it possible that your type is driven by other people’s opinions? Here’s looking at you, controlling parents and bossy friends who don’t actually have your best interests at heart. It totally makes sense why you want to keep the peace and please people some of the time, but the boundaries around that always goes back to what actually makes you happy. Does it make you happy to pretend like you don’t like something that you do to fit in, or does it make you happy to choose what you actually connect with?
  7. How much you really want a relationship. And whether you want one that’s based on appearances alone, or one that includes a deep connection. If you don’t really want a relationship, you can do whatever the hell you want to make sure that you don’t find one. Do you. If you only want a superficial relationship, then sure, keep looking for that. If you want a relationship with depth and more good stuff than you could have even planned for, then you have to be open to finding it in a variety of packages. Why not?
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com