If I’m with a guy who constantly needs to be kept in check, there’s only so long I’m going to entertain that before I move on. I don’t have time to babysit a grown man and more importantly, I shouldn’t have to.
- If he wants a single life, he should be single. As far as I’m concerned, there are things you can do when you’re single and things you can’t. This has nothing to do with being shackled at the ankles to your ball and chain and everything to do with acting appropriately and being kind to your partner. I believe if you feel like you need to keep one eye on your guy, either he needs to step up to being boyfriend material or live his best life as a singleton.
- It’s not my job to remind him when it’s time to come home. I seem to attract guys that have no control over their alcohol limits. I’m tired of the excuses such as “I didn’t realize how late it was,” “The guys forced me to have shots,” or the worst, “When I said I was coming home, I meant it at the time but got distracted.” Go out and blow off steam by all means, we all need that. But don’t stay out ridiculously late when we have early plans together the next day and don’t tell me you’re coming home now when you’re not. Is that too much to ask?
- I don’t want to have to filter through his social media. I make a point of only dating guys who don’t commit to social media on a daily basis. I don’t want to see lots of other girls commenting on my guy’s photos or concerning myself with what photos of other girls he has liked. That’s child’s play and I don’t have time for any of that nonsense.
- If I feel the need to check his internet history, he’s history. I’m very open with my boyfriend about my internet history. He works away a lot and so I’m watching more porn now than I’ve ever done before. I don’t feel the need to hide that; it’s a natural, normal thing. But if I’m worried about what he’s looking at when I’m not around, there’s a big problem there.
- I never want to worry if he’s a little late. So many of my girlfriends are really paranoid when it comes to their boyfriend’s timekeeping. If they know their partner has a 30-minute commute home from work and it actually takes them an hour, they start to freak out. This is really not healthy and any number of issues could have occurred which made that journey take longer than usual. The least likely explanation? He’s taken 30 minutes to have an affair then headed home to his girlfriend. Either chill out or address the real issue: there’s no trust there.
- Competition from female co-workers shouldn’t even be on my radar. Unless you work a very niche job, we all have to work with both sexes. I don’t have time to be worried about flirting in the office or untoward advances from female co-workers. If I’m feeling that, it’s obviously because I’m insecure or my partner is making me feel insecure. Either way, that’s not great and the last place I want to feel I need to keep tabs on my boyfriend is the workplace.
- Work trips shouldn’t leave me full of anxiety. Just like co-workers, work trips, involving co-workers, shouldn’t be an issue. If they are, clearly I don’t trust the guy. It’s too much pressure, too much anxiety, and ultimately not worth it. If you don’t have trust, figure out why or cut your losses. Your mental health will thank you in the long run.
- During work hours, I shouldn’t be concerned that his texts come in hours later. Again, so many of my girlfriends seem to go into panic mode when their boyfriends don’t respond immediately to texts or missed calls throughout the day. They’re at work! They’re bossing and doing their thing. If they don’t reply straight away, they’re certainly just busy. Besides, you can see after work in person! Sometimes it’s best to keep some things for face-to-face conversation.
- Ain’t nobody got time for that. This pretty much says it all. I don’t have time for any of this. Keeping tabs on a guy is exhausting and doesn’t amount to much at all. If I start to get those warning signs in the beginning, I cut my losses and break it off before it gets too deep.