We met online and started dating after a few weeks of chatting. I’d always assumed that once I was in a proper relationship (or seriously working towards one), we’d both delete our dating apps since we were officially off the market. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like this guy got the memo.
I believe in the “date and delete” principle.
I have a rule I follow when I start dating someone I’ve met on a dating app. If the first date goes well and shows promise of future dates, I delete my profile right away. Why would I keep it open and active? I don’t need options; I need to see where this relationship goes. If it crashes and burns, then I can go back on the dating site. Isn’t that the sane, decent thing to do?
I didn’t tell him I’d deleted my profile but I figured he’d do the same sooner rather than later.
I didn’t want him to think I was jumping the gun and getting all obsessed with him when we’d only just started dating, but I did think (or at least hope) he’d follow suit in deleting his apps on his own. As we continued dating and his profiles were still active, I came up with dozens of justifications and excuses for why that was the case. Ultimately, I decided to wait it out, figuring he’d definitely be deleting his profile soon since we were heading towards a real relationship.
He made it official and asked me to be exclusive… but he still had an active dating profile.
One night, after we’d been dating for about five weeks, he asked me if we could be exclusive. It was clear that we were getting serious so I didn’t even think to ask him about his dating profile. I mean, what kind of jerk would still be using a dating app if they found a girlfriend? He was so romantic and sweet that it was pretty easy to believe that he must have deactivated.
Something was bugging me and I couldn’t even put my paranoia to rest.
I should’ve felt happy to be dating him exclusively—we’d even changed our dating status to “in a relationship” on Facebook—so why was I feeling this weird pull to check up on him on that dating app? It felt crazy. Was I being paranoid? Unfortunately, I couldn’t find out if that was the case or not since I’d deleted my profile and would have had to create a whole new one just to search for his username. Ugh!
I sent in reinforcements.
One of my single friends at the time was keen on dating apps and had subscribed to a few, including the one on which I’d met my guy. Perfect! I asked her if she could check him out and see if he was still there. While she checked, I bit off my nails, anxious that she’d find him, which of course she did.
The fact that his profile was still active wasn’t even the worst of it.
To add insult to injury, he’d been active online a few hours previously. WTF? It was clear he was still checking other women out. If his profile had gone quiet/inactive, it would’ve been easier to deal with. I might’ve even understood that he’d just neglected it to start a relationship with me. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case at all. He was probably talking to other women and maybe even dating them.
I confronted him because how could I not?
I knew I had to come clean with him and tell him that I snooped on his dating profile. He was shocked and tried to make it out like I was a crazy person, but honestly, I didn’t care. I knew I wasn’t being crazy. My fears, however irrational, had been confirmed. I felt victorious in a way because he’d tried to con me and I hadn’t allowed it to happen to me.
I kicked him to the curb and never looked back.
I’d deleted my dating app and now I had to delete the dude from my life for good. I couldn’t believe that he was such a toxic a-hole to make our relationship official offline but then cheat on me on a dating app. He tried to weasel his way out of the breakup by saying that he wasn’t doing anything bad on the account, just keeping his options open, but that was bad enough. What a loser!
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