When I was single, the hardest thing for me to do was to play it cool with a new guy as if I didn’t care where the relationship was going or could possibly go. I tried my hardest to feign indifference but I really wished a guy would be upfront with his intentions. That’s how I knew my husband was “The One”— he wasn’t afraid to talk about the future early on.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married. A lot of people are allergic to commitment these days, and it’s sad to me that real, long-term love is so often scoffed at rather than revered. Wanting a solid marriage and a family doesn’t make me crazy or unreasonable. In fact, it’s a mark of maturity.
I started refusing to play games and it was the best thing I ever did. Even though it meant I was called crazy and got ghosted a lot, I’m glad I was upfront about what I wanted because it helped me weed out the players and commitment-phobes more quickly. Completely refusing to have an honest conversation about the future is a huge red flag and it speaks volumes about someone’s true personality and intent.
I didn’t want to waste my time. The entire point of dating for me was to find a husband, so why would I waste my time with someone who didn’t want the same thing? It wasn’t fair to me to put in the time and risk getting attached if there was no future, so it was worth the heartache to just be honest about what I wanted.
When I met him, I knew right away that he was different. I was used to the players that would ignore me all day and then text “you up?” in the middle of the night. I knew this guy was different immediately because he texted me during the day and we had real conversations with absolutely no mention of sex. He never sent me pictures of his junk or asked to come over at two in the morning, and that was really refreshing after my prior dating experiences.
He was the first one to bring up marriage. It was shortly after we went on our first date and it came as a shock to me. I was pretty certain at that point that men in general were very anti-marriage, but it turns out that my misconception all along was thinking that immature boys were men—there’s a huge difference. Men want to get married; immature boys just want commitment-free sex.
Just because we talked about marriage early on doesn’t mean we were already committed to marrying each other. It was just a necessary conversation so that both of us knew we were on the same page if the relationship did work out. That way, we could give it a real shot without having to wonder if we were wasting our time. It was just nice to know it was an option.
We had several important follow-up conversations as well. We talked about how quickly we would want to go down that road if it did work out, if we would live together first, and if we possibly wanted kids someday. We talked about what kind of wedding we would potentially have and where it would take place. By being open and honest from the beginning, we already had an emerging picture of what the future could hold long before there was a ring or any actual wedding planning.
We fell hard and fast for each other and it just felt right. Because we’d already had the most nerve-wracking conversations and learned the things we needed to know about each other, we didn’t have to dance around our feelings or play silly mind games. We were free to let love happen organically, and that’s exactly what happened.
I knew he was going to propose before he did, but it didn’t ruin the surprise. Although deep down I knew he was being forthcoming about his intentions, it still didn’t feel real until he asked. He also surprised me by tailoring the proposal exactly to my personality. It was the perfect blaze of glory in which to end my single life.
His willingness to openly talk about the future was my first indication that we had a future together. Knowing what I know now, I can’t believe I let so many immature guys jerk me around and tell me I was crazy for wanting this kind of commitment. Marriage is amazing, and I’m thankful for my husband every single day.
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