It makes sense that good friends don’t want to see you getting hurt or wasting time on an awful boyfriend, but sometimes the last thing I need to hear is how terrible the guy is that I’m dating and how much they hate him. I know it probably won’t end well but I wish they’d just let me make my own mistakes.
I know that I deserve to be treated better. I know that I really don’t deserve to be treated badly by anyone, especially my boyfriend, but I don’t need them to tell me that. I just need them to be there for me.
Sometimes I just need to vent. I know they’re probably sick of hearing about how he blew me off for the millionth time or was texting his ex, but when I talk about his obviously annoying bad boyfriend behavior, I’m aware that he’s being a jerk. I don’t need them to give me advice or figure out a solution, I just need them to listen and let me get it off my chest.
It’s annoying for both of us. Neither one of us wants to spend more time talking about how I deserve better, how toxic the relationship is, and/or how terrible of a boyfriend he is. We both know, we’ve had this conversation before, and we don’t need to have it again.
You have to find out what you don’t want in a relationship to know what you do want. And sometimes it takes getting treated badly to set standards for yourself and your future relationships. You won’t know what kind of things really anger or hurt you in a relationship until they happen, just like you won’t know what things you will be able to compromise on. Let me work it out.
I hope they don’t assume that I’m in the relationship because I’m lonely, have low self-esteem, or am afraid to be alone. I know, those are some of the textbook reasons people stay in bad relationships, but they shouldn’t automatically assume they’re the reason I’m in one. It’s probably a lot more complicated than that, and although they can be a factor, it’s probably not the whole story, and assuming so will do more harm than good.
I’m not perfect either. They hear my side of every story, and even though I know I should stop complaining if I don’t want to hear about how awful my boyfriend is, they need to remember that I have faults, as well. They might not be as extensive as his, but they’re still there, and sometimes people are just part of your journey for a little while to help you become a better, stronger person.
It’s OK to date guys you know you would never marry. Most people aren’t supposed to be in your life forever, and that’s OK, as long as you can accept this fact and be able to let people go when the time comes. It’s OK to date a guy who you like at the moment, but you know it would never work long term. Some people are just part of our stories, places to see but not a place to live. I know all of this which is why I’m fine with my relationship.
Some lessons can only be learned by living through them. Some relationships and friendships come into your life to teach you how to respect yourself and how to treat others in the future. As much as people might try to warn you or tell you that you’re making a mistake, some mistakes are necessary and lead to success down the road. It’s not always enough to hear right from wrong, sometimes you have to actually go through it to learn it.
I’d rather date the wrong guy now and learn how to be in a healthy relationship than hurt someone I could seriously see myself with. Some mistakes are inevitable, the only question is when. I would rather learn how to be a good girlfriend and how to love someone in a healthy way by making mistakes and dating the wrong guy now than make those mistakes later on with someone I see a future with.
I’m not done making mistakes in my life in general. Whether it’s risky career moves, terrible boyfriends, or a splurge on something extravagant, I still have a lot of living left to do— and a lot of mistakes left to make. Our failures and bad choices sometimes make us into the person we are supposed to be. I would rather make these mistakes now and be able to learn from them for the future than be stuck making them years down the road.
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