I Know I Can Do So Much Better, But I Keep Going Back To You

I’m a strong, independent woman who deserves a man who’s crazy about me, but some reason, I settle for less. It’s exhausting to be let down repeatedly and taken for a fool by you and yet I keep coming back. There’s that voice in my head telling me to run because nothing is ever going to change, so why am I still wasting my time on you?

  1. You take me for granted. No matter what, I’ve always been there for you. I’m there to lift you up, to listen to your problems and ask about your day. I do these things because I genuinely care and I want to hear what you have to say, but it feels one-sided. You expect me to stick around when nobody else would, and I’m so tired of being unappreciated.
  2. You disappear for days at a time. You fall off the radar for days at a time and my texts go ignored as if they’re are unimportant, and when you do finally resurface from wherever you’ve been hiding, you don’t even provide a good explanation or apology, you just act like it’s the norm. It’s incredibly selfish and shows how little respect you have for me.
  3. You rarely initiate the conversation. At the start, you were so enthusiastic and willing to start a conversation. We would talk for hours, sometimes staying up until the early hours of the morning. But somewhere down the line, you just stopped trying. Now I’m the one who always has to make the effort, desperately trying to cling onto what is left of this.
  4. You cancel plans at the last minute. I’ve been looking forward seeing you all week and at the very last minute, you inevitably decide to cancel. There’s always a very vague explanation about something work-related and apparently you feel bad, though definitely not as bad as I feel for getting my hopes up for nothing yet again. I should be used to it by now but I’m just not.
  5. I’m always second-guessing everything, including myself. I’m so tired of these games. You’re not being ambiguous, you’re being a jerk. No one likes not knowing where they stand — it makes me feel unworthy. These mixed signals just aren’t doing it for me anymore, I want to know exactly how you feel and whether this is going anywhere. Get your priorities straight or I’m walking away and finding something better — at least that’s what I tell myself before you pull me in again.
  6. You make me feel insecure. Maybe it’s not intentional, but when you’re talking about other girls, it really makes me feel crap. I start thinking that I’m not good enough and suddenly I don’t feel even slightly attractive or appealing to anyone. I shouldn’t be made to feel that way, especially not by some guy who clearly doesn’t deserve me. I have a good heart, and if you can’t see that, you’re not the person I want to be with.
  7. It’s always about you. We only talk when it’s convenient for you and we only make plans when you’re not busy. I have to change my schedule just to fit your needs, but I’m not doing it anymore. It seems like you’re way more into yourself than you are into me. I deserve someone who makes me feel special.
  8. I make excuses for you. I know that I shouldn’t have to, but I do it anyway. When someone puts you down, I’ll defend you by telling them that it was just a one-off and proceed to tell them about the good things you’ve done. I know it’s time that I stop pretending to myself and other people. When you mess up, you mess up pretty badly. I can’t defend your actions anymore, and it’s not my responsibility.
  9. You never make the effort to remember things. I’ve told you things that I haven’t told other people, but you never seem to remember any of it. I have to re-tell stories and remind you of important dates because you never make the effort to remember any of it. That just proves your mind is elsewhere. Why the hell am I putting up with this crap?
  10. It takes ages for you to respond to my texts. No matter how busy I am, if someone is a priority, I’ll try and reply to their messages ASAP. I’m not being unreasonable — I know that certain things are important, and I don’t care about waiting a few hours. But when I don’t hear anything from you in DAYS, it’s pretty obvious that you don’t care at all.
  11. Even my friends don’t like you. A good friend will always tell you the truth, even if’s the last thing you want to hear. My friends want the best for me, which is why they don’t even pretend to like you, and that’s definitely a red flag. They know what’s up, which is why they’re always telling me that I deserve so much better. I’ll have to remember to thank them one day. First, I just need to gather my strength to leave you for good.
Coralle is a freelance writer with an interest in relationships, women's health and parenting. In her free time, she enjoys reading, watching new Netflix shows and spending time with family.