What You Should Know Before Dating An Opinionated Woman

What You Should Know Before Dating An Opinionated Woman ©iStock/PeopleImages

Plenty of guys say they’re looking for a strong, independent woman, but what a lot of them don’t realize is that along with those qualities come some strong opinions — and plenty of them. A confident guy should have no problem handling and appreciating an opinionated woman, but there are still a few things they should know before committing to those of us who have no problem speaking our minds.

  1. We won’t back down. The last thing anyone would accuse an opinionated woman of being is wishy-washy. We know what we believe, and we have a reason for believing it. Saying we’re kind of stubborn is probably an understatement. So, if you’re going to disagree with us, get ready for a fight.
  2. We like to argue. A good solid debate is our ideal dinner conversation. And we like people who will argue back a little, even if they’re just playing devil’s advocate. We’d actually be pretty impressed if you could hold your own against us because we have a response for everything.
  3. We’re really not angry all the time. An argument shouldn’t be confused with a fight, because they are two completely different things. Just because we’re getting worked up trying to make a point doesn’t mean we’re mad. Quite the opposite, actually.
  4. Taking advice isn’t a strong suit. We’re pretty solid in what we think we know, so unsolicited advice will probably fall on deaf ears with us. You’ll know you’re important to us if we genuinely take your opinion into consideration. That’s not something we’ll do with just anyone.
  5. We’ll notice if you contradict yourself. Since we’re so good at arguing, we notice when people aren’t. If you say one thing and do another, we probably won’t be able to resist pointing it out because it only strengthens our own position.
  6. Drinking totally brings it out. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, which to us means we’ll start blurting out opinions we might have kept to ourselves otherwise. That could mean we go too far sometimes trying to prove a point, and end up having to apologize the next day.
  7. We generally like to think we’re always right. Not that we think it’s outside the realm of possibility that someone else’s opinion might also be right, but that doesn’t mean we like to admit when we’re wrong. But if that’s what it comes down to, we are capable of being reasonable.
  8. We understand not everyone will agree with us. The world is full of different perspectives, and therefore different opinions. Just because we strongly believe something and aren’t afraid to say it, doesn’t mean we expect you to agree with us all the time. In fact, it would be pretty boring if you did.
  9. We’re really not trying to be bitchy. Sometimes when something gets us going, things come out the wrong way. We’ve probably had people tell us before that the way we say things isn’t very nice, so we’re working on it. Probably.

Why opinionated women won’t back down for a guy

  1. We want a guy who loves a strong woman. Guys who are looking for a pushover don’t interest us. They’re weak and if they were real men, they wouldn’t hesitate or shy away from the challenge of dating and loving a woman with a strong mind of her own. If a guy thinks we’re “too opinionated” or has any other archaic opinions about us, he can beat it — he’s clearly not on our level.
  2. We’re intelligent and proud of it. We’re proud of the fact that we have more going for us than just a pretty face. We’re well-spoken and proud of the things we’ve learned in life, so we don’t hesitate to express our feelings about anything. Isn’t the whole point of life to be yourself and be proud of who you are?
  3. Fact: strong women make amazing wives. Sure, submissive and doting women may seem like the easy and peaceful road to take for weak men. But, having a strong and badass woman that doesn’t hesitate to speak her mind is one you definitely want in your corner. Not only can we handle ourselves, but we won’t back down from standing up for our partner either.
  4. We’re sick of people who refuse to get with the times. Women aren’t delicate creatures who need a guy’s guidance to live amazing, fulfilling lives — far from it. We’re proud to be people who aren’t a product of an ideology that was born hundreds of years ago. We’re proud as hell to stand tall and use the voice that was given to us. It’s time for guys to get with the program.
  5. We can’t (and won’t) pretend to be people we’re not. We don’t believe in being fake just to appease or attract a guy. If a guy does something to piss us off or says something totally uncalled for, we’ll be quick to put him in check. We have every right to do so. We’re not going to remain silent and allow ourselves to get walked all over by anyone. If that means it takes longer to find a guy strong enough to date, so be it.
  6. We were given a voice for a reason. We won’t stand idle and silent or avoid asserting our personalities and opinions in an attempt to avoid offending someone. That’s not how women should be. We’re not ignorant and we’re open to the opinions of others. We just have some of our own as well. We were given brains and voices for a reason. We plan to use them.
  7. Being quiet and submissive sounds boring as hell. We wouldn’t be who we are without our strong opinions and vivacious personalities. It’s not our style to be quiet, shy, and agreeable. We won’t pretend for a moment that we are. We’re not fake people and we’ll never compromise who we are just to make ourselves seem more agreeable to a guy.
  8. Newsflash: we’re allowed to express how we feel. We never quite understand those guys who talk about opinionated women in a negative light. Why is it wrong for a woman to say how she feels? Why is it wrong for a woman to have a mind of her own? What else are we supposed to do with our lives — wait around for them to tell us? No thanks. The only guys who are offended by opinionated women are guys who don’t have their acts together themselves.
  9. We don’t want a guy to think for us. We think for ourselves. We view relationships as two individuals who come together as partners. It’s not about a guy who takes over and controls who we are or who we’re allowed to be. If a guy thinks we’re too opinionated, it’s likely because he wants to control us. Not gonna happen.
  10. The right guy will value the things we have to say. We want to be with someone who gives us the freedom to be who we are. A guy who’s proud of the fact that we’re willing to voice how we feel. After all, we’re looking for real and genuine love. We don’t want some sort of filler relationship just to be a part of something.

As much we we love who we are, being opinionated isn’t easy

If you’re a strong woman, chances are you relate to these struggles 100%.

  1. Everyone assumes you’re a bitch. You’re no stranger to being labelled out of your mind, disagreeable, or a bitch for having a strong take on something  but yet, when a man voices his opinion, he’s just a man. You wish people knew that there was more to you than just your fierce opinions.
  2. You have no filter. Often you blurt things out without thinking twice because you are completely comfortable about how you feel and you aren’t afraid to have a debate about it if necessary. You understand that its completely okay to have a clash in beliefs but most of society doesn’t see it that way.
  3. You hurt people’s feelings without intention. You don’t really believe sugar coating is beneficial to anyone but not everyone feels the same and so life is a constant process of learning how to construct your opinion in a way that doesn’t offend everyone.
  4. You have safe words to soften the blow. When you text or email, you often feel the need to add an additional “Haha” and smiley faces to avoid coming across too blunt or forceful. In person it’s a lot harder to mask your facial expressions so you’re constantly throwing in “no offense” or “please don’t take this the wrong way” as a buffer in case people get butt hurt.
  5. Dating is harder for you. While a lot of men do find strong and opinionated women appealing, many don’t. We are a gender assumed to behave in an agreeable and soft spoken manner and anything else is deemed unladylike. You know in the end that the right man will love this trait about you but in the meantime, it’s a difficult process finding your intellectual match.
  6. Your passion is mistaken for attitude and anger. When you talk about something, you do it with such passion and ferocity that people think you have a “tone” in your voice or that you’re angry about something. The truth is, you’re just passionate and don’t have a problem with showing confidence in how you feel about things.
  7. You over explain yourself. You’re not exactly a master of keeping points short and simple, leading back to the fact that people call you a bitch a lot if you do. So instead, you make sure to be as detailed as possible as to why you feel how you do which actually only annoys people. You can’t win.
  8. You feel misunderstood. You’re not a bitch and you’re not trying to be malicious so it actually does upset you when people react so negatively to your way of expression.
  9. You say sorry a lot. But, you’re really not most of the time. You just do it to appease people who have become so easily offended by your points.
  10. People talk crap about you. Not just in a dating capacity, but women will speak ill of you for speaking your beliefs just the same as men. You’ve heard on more than one occasion that people have a problem with the way you feel about a certain issue. In the end however, you know everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, you included.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, Complex.ca and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo