I Know Exactly What I Want And It Makes Dating Impossible

I thought that once I knew what I wanted from a partner, it would be a whole lot easier to find it. Not so much! It only means that I know when I see what I don’t want, unfortunately, and because of it, I feel like I’m never going to meet the person I’m supposed to be with.

  1. I can’t pretend to entertain dudes I’m not into anymore. I’ll give a dude the benefit of the doubt, but the truth is that they rarely surprise me. My instincts are almost always on point and I usually regret wasting more of my time on someone I never dug in the first place. I want to be flexible, but I also know what’s not for me.
  2. I have a hard time staying open. I try not to judge prematurely, but sometimes a guy says something early on that kills it for me. For example, I went on a date recently and 10 minutes into things, the guy said he might move to Beijing. That grossed me out—a city like Beijing is basically everything I hate about the world. I could tell we weren’t compatible.
  3. I fight my standards sometimes but they always win. Sometimes, if I’m feeling exceptionally frustrated by the lack of men who fit my ideals, I worry that I’m being crazy. Maybe no one exists who can meet my standards and I should lower them to actually meet someone. Soon, though, I come back to my senses.
  4. I know pretty much immediately if a guy isn’t it. Maybe it’s not reasonable, but if there’s no initial chemistry, I just can’t. I’ve gone on dates where I kept giving it a chance, but if there wasn’t anything vibing in the beginning, it’s not like it magically developed. I’ve agreed to second dates to see if it would ever happen and it never did.
  5. I rarely meet anyone I want to date. I know it’s partially my fault—I don’t get out enough and I definitely don’t get out to places where the kind of guys I want are likely to be. Even when I do, it seems weird to approach them. I love to hike, but it’s not like I’m propositioning strange men on the side of the trail. This means I barely ever date.
  6. I’m probably living in a difficult city for finding what I want. It’s not exactly an outdoorsy, down-to-earth kind of place. I try to tell myself that at least it’s a large city with a lot of young, single, educated people, but that doesn’t help too much when none of those men fit the profile I’m seeking.
  7. I don’t want kids and I have the toughest time finding a man who feels the same. I’m positive I don’t want children. I thought that would be a selling point, but every time I meet a genuinely good man who shares my values, he seems to want a family. It sucks because I know that it would never work in the end.
  8. I’m realizing that the specific combo I want is very rare. I want an emotionally available, mature feminist who’s educated, liberal, open-minded, and adventurous. He has to love nature and books, make me laugh, and accept me as I am. There are a lot of other things I’d like too, but I can’t find anyone even close!
  9. I spend too much time alone but I like it. It’s tough to meet an amazing man when I spend so much time solo, sure, but I also like my lifestyle. I know I have to compromise somewhere but I’m comfortable with the way things are. Unfortunately, knowing what I want doesn’t mean I’m going to find it if I never look.
  10. I’m very open and honest and that freaks guys out. Of course, the right guy would find that appealing instead of terrifying. It seems like every time I ask for what I want, men go running. It’s an easy way to learn that they aren’t for me, but where are the men who will stand their ground? It’s exasperating.
  11. I am definitely not a people-pleaser. I want others to be happy and I spend much of my time and energy trying to contribute positivity to the world. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to sacrifice who I am to appease someone or be that Chill Girlfriend that every guy thinks he wants. I’m a real person, not some fantasy.
  12. I have no problem walking away when my instincts say so. I might meet a guy who seems great in the beginning only to realize later that I was wrong or, more frequently, that he was presenting himself in a false light. We could have chemistry initially and then see our differences later. I’ll stay single to preserve my integrity for now.
  13. I’ve tried going on dates with guys I’m not into and it always goes horribly. I think, well, maybe give it a chance. He’s really nice to me, he really likes me, or despite the fact that I’m not attracted to him, he’s a great dude. Maybe I’ll change my mind once I know him a little better, right? It doesn’t work. I want what I want.
  14. I simply don’t have the energy to keep on trying and failing. I know the right guy won’t drop out of the sky into my life, but I honestly don’t care enough about searching to make a huge effort. I have a good life. I know the man I want and I’ll know him when I see him. I’m not going to divert time away from everything else to find him. Oh well.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.