I Know Good Guys Are Out There, But Some Of Y’all Are Making It Hard To Keep The Faith

Unlike many of my friends, I haven’t completely given up on finding a good guy. I know they’re out there — I’ve even dated a couple! — and I also know that you shouldn’t let one bad apple ruin the bunch. But what if most of the bunch is downright rotten and the decent ones are few and far between? I’m trying so hard to keep my faith in men alive, but some of y’all are really testing my patience.

  1. We’re still ghosting? Really? I get that this was all the rage in the mid-2010s, but it’s 2022 now. If you’re not feeling someone you’re dating or you decide it’s not really working out, you just let them know. How they react to that isn’t really your business — you can at least rest easy knowing that you did the decent thing by being upfront. Disappearing from someone’s life because you don’t have the balls to communicate makes you seem like a total d–k and makes it nearly impossible to keep the faith in good men alive.
  2. I’m not “on my period” — you pissed me off. If I had a quarter for every time a guy has accused me of being “hormonal,” of “PMSing,” or of “being on my period” when I reacted to something he did to piss me off, I’d be able to retire early and buy my own man-free island. There’s nothing like a lack of accountability and an extreme level of cluelessness to make me want to quit dating forever. Is it that hard to accept that you did something wrong and apologize for it like a grown adult? Apparently.
  3. The bad sex is inexcusable at this point, buds. I know there are men out there that actually give a s–t about women’s pleasure and will go the extra mile to make sure their partners get off during sex. However, for every one of those decent guys, there are about 15 others who think, “Nah, I’m good” and roll over and go to sleep as soon as they get their rocks off. Learn where the clitoris is and how to use it to make us feel good, guys. I seriously struggle to keep the faith in good men when so many of them are so bad at sex.
  4. The tit-for-tat when women criticize you is a problem. I know sooooo many of the guys reading this article will be like, “It’s not just men! Women do this, that and the other thing too!” And yeah bro, we do. We’re not perfect either. You pointing that out every single time we bring up some f–ked up part of straight male culture kind of proves our point. Saying that you need to get your act together doesn’t mean we think we have it all together and we do nothing wrong. Accept that it’s not a competition to see who’s the worst and that yeah, your gender as a whole has some work to do. It’s really not that hard.
  5. Would it really kill you to put in a little effort? So many guys are all about puttin’ on the ritz, so to speak, when trying to win a woman over. Y’all love to text every day, shower us with compliments, buy us drinks, and generally act like the ideal boyfriend. Once you realize you’ve gotten us to a point where we’re crazy about you, you pump the breaks and all that good stuff stops. Getting you to put in any effort to maintain the relationship is like pulling teeth, and if we point this out, were being naggy and clingy and a million other unflattering descriptions. Talk about depressing.
  6. Insulting me for rejecting you makes you look corny as hell. A few weeks back, I firmly but kindly told a guy who’d been hitting on me while I was at a bar with my girls that I wasn’t interested. Instead of remaining friendly and charming as he had been for the past 30 minutes, he suddenly turned on me and let me know that he “never wanted me anyway, fat bitch.” My guy, how dumb do you think you look when you literally go overboard telling a woman how hot she is and making it clear you want to sleep with her, only to change tactics and claim it was all a lie and she’s the most hideous beast ever after she tells YOU it’s not happening?
  7. Is it that hard to stay faithful? I’ve met so many guys who proclaim to the end of the earth that they’re desperate to find the woman of their dreams so they can settle down and live in monogamous bliss forevermore. Then they meet that woman and a few months later, they’re betraying her by sleeping with someone else. “I was drunk!” they say. “It was an accident!” they swear. You guys know right well that there’s no excuse for this kind of behavior. It’s heartless and cruel and driven entirely by your inability to keep it in your pants.

Here’s how I keep the faith despite the bad stuff

keep the faith

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  1. A lot of you are working on it. I’ve met a lot of guys who know they have some questionable viewpoints and behaviors and are legitimately trying to change. A few of them are even in therapy, and even though that’s not specifically for their treatment of women, their willingness to address underlying issues in their lives can only help when it comes to relationships. That gives me a lot of hope.
  2. There’s an overall culture shift for the better…ish. As much as toxic masculinity is still a very serious problem, there is a lot more talk now about changing the narrative. We’re not only allowing but are actively encouraging men to be more emotional and open, and that carries over to how they interact in relationships. The more we address all the things that are wrong in society, the more likely they are to start going a bit more right. That’s the hope, anyway.
  3. Some guys do want the same things as women. Just as there are some women who aren’t looking for long-term relationships, there are plenty of men who are. I’ve dated some great guys who were totally on the same page as me, the chemistry between us just wasn’t there. Knowing that there are other people out there vying for deep, meaningful connections is pretty great.
  4. You have to judge people as individuals. At the end of the day, as easy as it is to slip into the mindset of “all guys are trash” or whatever, it’s not helping anyone. I wouldn’t want to be tarred with a brush that didn’t apply to me and it’s unfair to do it to guys. I try to judge every single person I meet based on who they are as a person. When you approach things that way, it’s much easier to keep the faith in guys and in love.
Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.
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