Relationships are fun, but they always come with their own set of challenges. Some couples work well together by maintaining certain levels of independence while others seem perfectly content to never leave each others’ side. The fact is, everyone loves a little bit differently, but if my significant other isn’t willing to love me the way I want to be loved, why should I bother?
I know what I want, so why should I waste my time? I’m a confident woman with very specific wants and needs. If you aren’t willing to at least make an effort to satisfy me, why should I continue laying down the foundation for a long-term relationship?
If you can’t adapt to my needs, why should I adapt to yours? This might sound a little bit selfish, but if I’m not looking out for number one, who will? If you aren’t going to do the little things, like texting me first thing in the morning, I don’t think I should have to adapt to your quirky needs either!
I’ve been clear about my expectations since the beginning and you’re just not delivering. It would be one thing if I wasn’t upfront from the start about the things I feel I deserve in a relationship, but I totally get that the guys I date aren’t mind readers and I don’t expect them to be! Open communication has always been important to me. If you’re not addressing my wants and needs, it’s definitely not because you didn’t know they existed.
I’ve gone through the motions before and it always ends the same way. Every new relationship comes with a bit of a learning curve. If after a while, however, the lines of communication have been open and you still don’t seem to be getting the memo, maybe it’s time for me to move on! Let’s be honest — we’ve all seen the same song and dance and it always ends the same.
Maybe the type of love you can provide is meant for someone else. It sucks to admit it, especially when you’re really into someone, but sometimes differences in personalities cause too deep a divide to ever produce a healthy relationship. Initially, opposites may attract, but people with totally different views and hobbies rarely last long.
If you aren’t willing to bend on the little things, how will this affect bigger decisions in the future? Let’s say you’re constantly bombarding me with text messages when I go out for a girls’ night. When guys do that, I get the hunch that they don’t trust me and it irritates me so much that I don’t fully embrace and enjoy the time I have with my friends. Now just imagine something like that happening 10 years down the road. I ask you to watch the kids for the night so I can have a much-needed glass of wine with my friends. Chances are, the night won’t end well for either of us. This point may seem like a bit of a stretch to some, but for me, it’s a potential reality that I don’t feel like facing!
If people change over time, will you still even want me down the road? I’ve never been shy about discussing what could happen down the road with guys I date, so I often think in terms of the future. If you’re not loving me the way I want to be loved today, how can I expect things to be any different years from now when I’m no longer as young and spontaneous?
I’m not being bratty or picky for knowing what I deserve. If anything, I’m doing you a favor by being somewhat demanding and very upfront about what I want in a relationship. Too often, I hear girlfriends of mine complaining about their significant other lacking the desire to make plans or doing something out of the ordinary. I always ask them the same question: did you tell him how you feel? Just like each and every one of us deserves to be treated a certain way, the people we date deserve to know what we expect of them, which is why I make it clear.
I’m not interested in being the only person in the relationship to move things forward. I’m all for self-love, but I think it’s totally acceptable to rely on someone else to give you an extra love boost once in a while. I’ve always tried to be the type of person in a relationship that checks in periodically with my significant other to make sure he’s happy and it’s always disappointing when I don’t get the same question in return. It takes two to make a relationship work!
Someone that truly loves me won’t mind making a serious effort. At the end of the day, if you’re not willing to make a few changes to make me happy as I would for you, you don’t truly love me. I don’t expect you to change your personality or ideals, but a few lifestyle changes should be no problem for someone that’s really interested in being with me for the long haul.
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