They say not to go looking for love and instead let it find you. I’ll be honest, that advice sounded a little useless to someone who believed that good things came to those who went out there and pursued them. However, after encountering one too many shady dudes, I changed my mind. Here’s what happened when I stopped looking for love (spoiler: I finally found it).
I no longer focused on the fact that I was single. When I stopped yearning for a special someone in my life, I didn’t think about being single. I’d see cute couples out and about but I didn’t feel jealous. Honestly, I didn’t know if there would be romance in my future, but it wasn’t something I dwelled on. This wasn’t really a conscious effort, rather something that came naturally after being so disillusioned with dating.
I acknowledged all the positives in my life. I focused on all the positive elements in my life, like having amazing friends and family and going to college. I also realized this was a pivotal moment in my life and I owed it to myself to focus on bettering myself for my future. After all, a boyfriend is great, but he can’t make me happy. True happiness begins with being content with myself and my own life.
I made fabulous memories with my girlfriends. My girlfriends and I always have a great time regardless of any of our relationship statuses. I loved staying up late looking at the stars or daydreaming with my friends. We’d talk about our futures, ponder things we didn’t understand and do things we probably shouldn’t have.
I made new, genuinely nice guy friends. Oddly enough, when I stopped thinking of every new guy as a potential suiter, I made some great guy friends. Now, this doesn’t mean those guys weren’t out BS’ing other girls – I just wasn’t one of them because I wasn’t interested. To this day, I’m still friends with some of those guys and I really value their presence in my life.
I wasn’t bitter — I played matchmaker when I could. A good girlfriend isn’t bitter when her friend has an opportunity to meet a great guy – even if that means she has to do the matchmaking. I was throwing a party at my house when my friend told me she was interested in one of my new guy friends. I had zero romantic interest in him and he was one of the best guys I knew, so I was more than happy to talk her up to him.
I started hanging out with a new group of friends. Once I introduced my friend to this guy, his friend group merged with mine. Although he and my friend didn’t start dating, our friends would hang out regularly. Of course, this introduced me to even more new faces. I liked having these different circles of friends, and I loved that my girlfriends were getting to enjoy it with me.
I realized the guy I hooked my friend up with liked me. I was at work one day when someone told me that the guy I hooked my friend up with liked me. If we’re being honest, I had started thinking of him a little differently after all the time I’d spent around him, but I didn’t give it much thought because I assumed he wasn’t interested. He and my friend then agreed there was nothing more than a friendship between them.
I realized my closed-off heart had feelings for someone. This guy and I began seeing each other privately, and to my surprise, we had great chemistry. We’d spend hours chatting and I made him watch Disney’s Anastasia way too many times because it was the only VHS I had for my VCR. (No, VHS isn’t a typo — I didn’t have a DVD player in my room.) What are those things? Feelings?! But we hadn’t even kissed yet! I didn’t want to tell my friend about this new development unless I was sure that I liked him, and I was DEFINITELY sure of it by then.
I confessed my feelings to my friend and she was excited for me. There’s really no way to ease into telling a girlfriend that you like the guy whom with you set her up. I dropped the bomb and her reaction was priceless. She was truly excited for me, and she thought our personalities were perfect for one another. Whew.
I got scared and made the guy chase me. After wanting a relationship so badly, then changing my focus, you’d think I’d throw myself at someone who had feelings for me. But I was the complete opposite. I was hesitant. I was scared of the unknown, which was a mature relationship. Lucky for me, that amazing friend of mine convinced him not to give up on me.
I scooped up one hell of a boyfriend. After a few times of (literally) turning my cheek when he’d try to kiss me, I planted one on him at a 4th of July party. He officially became my boyfriend that night, and I was one happy girl. He was cute, he was funny, and he was mine. Spoiler alert: I married him six years later. Oh, and my friend? She’s in my “squad” group on Snapchat, and she and her husband are now expecting their first baby.