I Know Love Exists, Even If I Didn’t Find It With You

I Know Love Exists, Even If I Didn’t Find It With You ©iStock/svetikd

Looking back at our unhealthy relationship, you might see it as only time wasted, but I don’t. Every mistake is just an opportunity to learn, as corny as that sounds, and our crappy relationship taught me that love does exist — just not with you.

  1. Now I know what I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve is to be treated like crap. I know there’s something and someone better out there for me. You were a prime example of exactly what I don’t want. Thanks for showing me what an unhealthy relationship looks like so I can find a healthy one with someone else.
  2. I know exactly what I want. And it’s not you. You know how some people have to make their own mistakes so they can learn from them? Well, that’s exactly what you were — a mistake — and boy, did I learn a lot. I was so unhappy with you, and it might sound a little strange, but being unhappy showed me what I need to be happy. Now I know what to look for in my next relationship, and it’s all thanks to you, jerk.
  3. Love might not be easy, but it shouldn’t be this hard. I know that no matter how healthy a relationship is, you still have to work at it. That being said, I shouldn’t have to work this hard for you to love me. Your love shouldn’t be conditional, and I shouldn’t have to adhere to your ridiculous standards. I want a guy who puts just as much effort into me as I do to him. That’s my new standard.
  4. I want more good times than bad. Is that too much to ask? I don’t want to fight all the time. It’s exhausting. I want to be with someone who brings me joy, not pain — someone who makes me laugh, not cry. I know every relationship has its ups and downs, but ours is like a month of rain with only one day of clear skies. No thanks.
  5. I’m not going to beg a guy to love me. Or to spend time with me, make an effort or just don’t care. I shouldn’t have to even ask for those most basic things in a relationship. I shouldn’t have to feel like you’re doing me a favor every time you give me a little attention. You should want to be with me. You should want to try. You shouldn’t be able to resist loving me. I know that kind of love is real, but it’s just not there with you.
  6. I want to be a priority. You never made me feel like one. I’m not just whining or exaggerating — I’ve seen other relationships. I know boyfriends who put love first, but you didn’t. I was never important to you, not like you were to me, and that’s what I want — someone who loves and cares about me just as much as I love and care about him. I know that’s not too much to ask.
  7. When you truly love someone, you care about their happiness. But you never cared about mine. I see other couples working hard for each other, couples who are both happy because they’re invested in each other’s happiness. I wasn’t asking you to be my only sense of joy in the world. I just want someone who cares a little more about my wants and needs and a little less about his every need.
  8. I want someone to make time for me. I know you were busy. I know you had a life, but guess what? I had one too and I always found time for you. I shouldn’t be the one making all the sacrifices in a relationship. It shouldn’t have been all about you. I deserve someone who gives as much as he gets without me even needing to ask.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.