You Know How To Spot Narcissists, But What Makes Them Target You?

Do you feel stressed about how many narcissists have entered your life and brought you nothing but drama? Although you can spot their traits—common ones include an inflated sense of self and a lack of consideration for other people—it helps to know what’s making them knock on your door. Here are some things that narcissists love in a partner. You’ve been warned!

  1. You have low confidence. Narcs love this quality because it means that you’re more likely to feel flattered when they rock up and love-bomb you, making you feel like the most amazing, beautiful woman they’ve ever laid stalker eyes on. They also hope that you won’t feel good about yourself so you’ll accept their bad behavior much more than someone who’s got confidence by the truckload.
  2. You’re an empath. Your compassionate nature is what attracts many people to you, and sadly also flashes a light for the narcs to come. By dating you, he can continue being a selfish, self-absorbed prick while depending on the fact that you have a soft spot for him. Manipulative AF.
  3. You go the extra mile. He sees how caring you are with your friends, even when they treat you badly, and so he hopes that your lack of boundaries will serve him well. He thinks you’re going to be bending over backward for him and letting him in even when he treats you like you’re no more important than the gum under his shoe.
  4. You have a handful of friends. You’re a private, introverted person who doesn’t have many friends. The narcissist might see this as appealing because it means you don’t have a solid support system. It’s much easier to isolate and control you. Douchebag.
  5. Your body language gives the wrong message. You might feel that you’re a strong, confident woman, but make sure your body language is in line with that message. If your body language is submissive, like you don’t walk upright, or you fiddle with your hair which gives off an anxious or insecure vibe, you’re falling into the narc’s trap. He thinks you’re meek and unsure of yourself, so he can be the star of the show if he gets with you and control you. That’s exactly what he wants.
  6. You’re strong AF. On the other hand, you might think you’re never going to be a narcissist’s target because you’re too strong and independent. Guess again. He wants to choose a partner who has her act together because it means he can offload his drama onto her and she can help him sort it out. How convenient.
  7. You’re smart. Another trait narcs look for is intelligence. But it’s not because they want to be mentally stimulated. Oh no. The truth, as laid out perfectly in this Huffington Post article, is that they want to prove they’re even smarter. They’re always in it to win it—and undermine you at every turn.
  8. You take care of yourself. You’re independent AF and look after yourself. That makes you a target because the narc hopes that if you’re able to take care of your own life and drama, you won’t burden him with it. He’s too selfish to care for anyone else.
  9. You avoid confrontation. You’d rather agree to disagree than fight to the death on a topic, and narcs love this because it means they can get away with things. So don’t think it’s a compliment when a narc praises you for being gentle or peace-loving. They’re hoping to gain from all your great traits.
  10. You’re a go-getter. You make things happen for yourself and you’re ambitious as hell. So why the hell can’t narcs leave you alone? Here’s a sinister reason, according to Donna Anderson, founder of LoveFraud, a website educating people about sociopaths: “The fact that a woman who is a go-getter, ambitious and has a powerful job can get involved with a psychopath is surprising for people, but those are the women who ‘regular’ men are often intimidated by and won’t approach,” she tells SheKnows. “Sociopaths, however, are magnetic and charismatic.” Yup, he thinks you’re perfect for him. *shivers*
  11. You’ve got assets. The narcissist wants something from you. This might be love or attention, but other times it could very well be your actual financial gains. That’s why they tend to target women in their 30s and above who have made strides in their careers and have gained some important assets along the way. These include savings, property, and great credit. They want to benefit from your success in some way.
  12. You’re just out of a breakup. You’re in a fragile state right now because your long-term boyfriend ghosted you or you’ve gone through some other trauma. Enter the narcissist. He’ll try to build up your self-esteem, make you feel amazing, and pretend to support you. It’s just his way to get you to open the door for him, then he can reveal his true colors: that of being a selfish jerk who doesn’t love anyone but himself. So be wary of guys who want to help you so much when you’re going through a tough time, or who declare undying love when, really, a new relationship is the last thing you should be getting into.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.