I Know You’re Toxic, So Why Can’t I Get You Out Of My System?

I Know You’re Toxic, So Why Can’t I Get You Out Of My System? ©iStock/max-kegfire

They say you can’t control who you love, and maybe that’s true, but the downside to that is that it’s always possible to fall in love with someone that’s completely wrong for you. I know that all too well. You let me down over and over again and nothing ever changes, but I still can’t seem to get you out of my system. I wish love could conquer all, but at this point I know better.

  1. I don’t trust you. A strong, healthy relationship requires a lot a mutual trust. It’s a lot easier to lose trust than it is to gain it back, because no one likes to be fooled twice. Even though I want to be able to trust you again, it’s not that easy. Once I’m in self-preservation mode, getting back out is no small feat.
  2. You’ll never change. If you were going to change, you would have by now. I can only give someone who keeps making the same mistakes so many chances before I just stop believing anything they say. Getting my hopes up only to be disappointed over and over again isn’t healthy, and I shouldn’t keep allowing you to suck me back in.
  3. You make me doubt my sanity. Being a relatively logical person, I have a hard time dealing with someone who’s inconsistent, emotionally unstable and just straight up confusing half the time. The actual definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, so I guess it’s official– when it comes to you, I’m not sane.
  4. I don’t like who I am when I’m with you. I feel like I’m always contorting myself into someone completely unrecognizable in order to make things fit, and sometimes the person I turn into isn’t the person I want to be. You bring out a naggy, insecure side of me that I don’t like, and that’s the opposite of how I should feel with someone I’m in love with.
  5. Nothing is ever easy. If there’s one thing you’re good at, it’s doing everything the hard way. Not only do you never learn from your mistakes, you actually do things with the sole purpose of pissing me off. I’m starting to figure out your tricks, but I still fall for the bait every once in awhile.
  6. You won’t let me move on. One of the worst parts about you is that you say you care about me, but you’d rather keep dragging me down with you than let me go so I can move on. I know I’ll get to the point where I’ll have to cut you off cold turkey, but it would be nice if you could help me out, just a little.
  7. We enable each other. In my mind, the textbook definition of an unhealthy relationship involves two people who inspire, encourage and enable each other’s bad behavior. There’s always an undertone of trying to get back at each other or have the last word, and it’s a two-way street that neither one of us can ever seem to rise above of.
  8. I use you as a crutch. Despite the fact that I know you’re a horrible influence on me, we’ve still had some good times. Instead of forcing myself to accept it will never work between us and forget you, I keep you around just in case. I’m comfortable around you (when you aren’t driving me crazy), and that isn’t really something I’m ready to give up just yet.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.