What Is Kondo-ing & How Can It Change Your Dating Life For The Better?

With so many negative dating trends out there, finding a positive one is rare and incredibly refreshing. If there’s one dating trend you should follow this year, make it kondo-ing. Here’s what you need to know about it.

  1. It’s about decluttering your love life. Just think of how many guys you allow into your heart and mind even though they’re not stepping up to the relationship plate. Kondo-ing is about getting rid of them for good, in the same way you’d get rid of old crap cluttering up your house that you just don’t want anymore.
  2. If he doesn’t bring you happiness, he doesn’t deserve a place. Would you surround yourself with furniture that puts you to sleep because it’s so blah? Of course not. So then why let toxic guys take up space in your dating life? That’s the whole idea behind kondo-ing: if something doesn’t make you happy, send it packing.
  3. It’s incredibly liberating. When you’re no longer tied to guys who are bad for you, you’ll feel so free! Not only that, but your dating game will change and you’ll have less stress and anxiety in your life. Plus, you’ll feel so much more empowered than when you were waiting for a guy to text you back or define the relationship.
  4. It’s about putting yourself first. When last did you put yourself first instead of whoever you were dating? Kondo-ing helps you to remember that you’re the most important person and you shouldn’t forget about your needs. If someone’s not fulfilling your needs, why keep them?
  5. It’s a bit scary at first. Sure, making the move to erase a guy from your life and delete his digits is always scary. You might also wonder what you’ll do to fill up that emptiness he leaves behind. You might imagine huge holes in your love department and that’s intimidating, especially if you’ve been in a relationship with this guy for a while. The unknown can be scary. What will you do with all those free Saturday nights?
  6. However, it’s an opportunity. Instead of seeing that as a reason to keep someone who’s not fulfilling you around, you should see clearing up space in your life as a positive thing. You can choose to bring better, more uplifting people into your life. Just think: by keeping that loser around, you’ve been blocking them and preventing a better life for yourself.
  7. You’ll see what you’re left with. Instead of being afraid of getting rid of someone who’s been bringing you down, take a chance and see what happens when you decide to nudge them out of your life. With all that extra time and energy on your hands, you’ll be able to do amazing things for yourself that you weren’t able to do because everything was going to that guy.
  8. It doesn’t have to be a snap decision. Of course, decluttering your love life doesn’t have to be something you decide to do on a whim or after four tequilas. You should take your time to do it so that when you take that leap, you know it’s the right decision and you won’t regret it later. It’s really about taking the time to figure out what’s right for you and what will make your life better.
  9. But wait—there’s a catch. As with many positive dating trends, there’s always a catch. When it comes to kondo-ing, it’s important not to do anything over-the-top, like breaking up with someone because they’ve been a bit low for a few days or because your relationship’s going through a rough patch. This could seriously backfire on you.
  10. Obviously, relationships are about hard work. You can’t expect sunshine and joy all the time. That’s unrealistic. There will obviously be times in your relationship when you and your partner aren’t bundles of joy, and that’s OK. As long as you’re both committed to working through the rough patch and supporting each other, then you’re good. Kondo-ing doesn’t mean that you chuck out your BF the minute your relationship hits a bump in the road.
  11. And no, it’s not ghosting! Before you go ahead and stop taking your BF’s calls forever, bear in mind kondo-ing is supposed to be done out of love, not malice. It’s about doing what’s good for you, and honestly, ghosting is never good for anyone. It just brings bad karma your way. (Disclaimer: there are some instances when ghosting is acceptable, like if a guy’s a stalker, but those are few and far between.)
  12. Only you can make yourself happy. You’re the owner of your own happiness. You’re the only one who can make yourself happy at any time of the day, no matter what’s going on in your life. Kondo-ing isn’t about expecting your partner to be your personal comedian or clown, or to make you happy no matter what. He should make you happy, sure, but he shouldn’t feel like he’s got to do all the work. It really starts with you.


Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.