Guys aren’t really all that complicated — at least we don’t think so — but we also realize that our feelings and motivations aren’t all that obvious, especially to women. If you ever find yourself wondering why we suddenly lost interest when we seemed to be totally into you and things were going well, it might be because you were doing one of these 10 things:
Cliché? You bet. A problem only for women? Definitely not. Dudes can be clingy as hell, and I’m sure you know how deeply unattractive it is. Well, same goes for ladies. You don’t need to know where your guy is every second of every hour of every day, and you don’t need to be with us for that time either. Enjoy missing us and we’ll likely feel the same. Refusing to detach will turn him off pretty much instantly.
Not being yourself.
Human beings can be pretty good BS detectors. If you’re not being yourself, they’ll probably know about it. Second, it’s an impossible ruse to keep up with no end game. For example, if you love olives but we hate them so you tell us you do too, what’s the plan there? Just to never eat olives or order dirty martinis in front of him ever? No. Be yourself and own who you are. You’re probably awesome, but we’ll never know that if you’re always pretending to be someone else.
Focusing on the negative.
Negativity is a real buzzkill. Focus on the positive. We’re not expecting sunshine and rainbows all the time, but if you spend the entirety of dinner complaining about your job, your friends, your ex, etc., it’s not going to be overly fun. It’s all about balance. Honest dialogue about unpleasant stuff is fine and part of life, but a bad attitude is bad news.
Forgetting that you’re your own person.
Repeat after me: you are a strong, independent woman. None of this co-dependency crap is necessary. You’ve got your own life, and you’re not going to drop everything for us… and we really don’t want you to. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who knows who she is and doesn’t lose that just because a guy’s in her life.
Please, please be straightforward. Say what you want and what you mean rather than dropping hints and expecting us to pick up on them. It’s way easier, it fuels communication, and it’s a much more efficient way to work out if you and the guy you’re seeing are going to be compatible. We love efficiency. Also, we’re pretty stupid – assume we won’t catch your subtext.
Never being happy with what you have.
We love a woman who’s got a goal — whether it’s career-related, personal, whatever. It’s nice being with someone who’s got a vision of what they want and a plan(ish) of how to get it. However, it’s possible to be ambitious while still being content with who and where you are at the moment. Being dissatisfied (especially if you’re not doing anything about it) is downright infuriating for guys and we’re likely going to dip before your dissatisfaction is directed at us.
Not trusting us when we’ve never given you a reason to doubt us.
We know you’ve probably been burned in the past — everyone has. But the second you start distrusting a guy just because of a guy in your past is the second you start attracting the sort of dropkicks who are going to burn you again. It’s because every single person you meet is a discrete data point – that is, past relationships are NOT a predictor of future ones. For example, if Joe cheats on you, that has no predictive power of whether Mike is going to cheat on you next week. See what we mean?
Don’t lie. Usually, liars get caught (or feel guilty and become insufferable to be around), so always be honest, even if you think we’ll get mad. If you don’t like it when we go down on you, tell us. If you don’t like our goatee, then tell us. Let me be clear: we’re not talking heartless, ruthless honesty. We’re all for lying by omission (if you don’t like our mom, you don’t need to tell us), but generally, be upfront and open about your real thoughts and feelings.
There’s literally nothing more annoying than indecision. If we ask for an opinion, then we want you to give us your opinion. If we want help making a decision, we want you to weigh in. The ‘I’m okay with anything!’ answer is not an answer. Get some skin in the game and make a definitive statement. For example, if we ask you, “Hey, do you want me to cook chicken for dinner or a pork tenderloin?” then “whatever you want” is not the acceptable answer. If we were doing whatever we wanted, we would’ve just done it and said, “Ta da!” and presented you with some food. No, make a decision. The chicken, please.
Lastly, respect yourself — if any of your dudes-of-interest are exhibiting these behaviors, GTFO immediately. You don’t need that any more than we do. Go find someone who ISN’T doing these things and have a baller time.
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