Ladies, Don’t Apologize For Having Feelings About Your Crush Or Relationship

After one too many bad experiences in love as a result of wearing your heart on your sleeve, you might be tempted to believe that playing it cool is the way to go. You try to pretend you DGAF and couldn’t care less about the guy you’re dating in an effort to protect your heart, but screw that. It’s okay to care — in fact, it’s amazing that you do. Here’s why you shouldn’t be afraid to show it:

  1. You’re a human being and you have feelings — there’s no shame in that. You’re not a robot. I don’t understand girls who date or are in relationships and manage to remain casual about the whole thing. If you really aren’t bothered either way, then why date that person in the first place? It’s a waste of everybody’s time. You’re a human being with feelings and therefore you’ll be happy, and sad, and you’ll naturally develop strong feelings for your partner. It’s totally normal and it’s a good thing.
  2. The right person will love you for being open and honest. If you feel like you were always the one who loved more in your previous relationships then newsflash — you were simply dating the wrong guys! There are plenty of guys out there who won’t keep telling you to ‘chill out’ or ‘calm down’, and they won’t complain that you’re hard work. The right guy will love your openness, your honesty, the way that you care so damn much. In fact, he’ll go one better than that – he’ll return your feelings.
  3. You never know how much time you have left. The people you love most are here today but they may not be tomorrow. It’s sad to think about it, but the truth is that nobody knows how much time they have left. Why keep your thoughts and feelings locked away inside your heart? You don’t want to get to the end of your life with anything left inside you because those pent up emotions and shoulda woulda couldas will become massive regrets.
  4. Not giving a damn is so last year. IDGAF had its season, and it’s old news now. Once you sit back and process what that actually means, it makes you think twice. Do you really not give a damn? Do you really want to be the kind of person who doesn’t care about anything? Is that cool or are people simply trying to convince you that it’s cool?
  5. Guys aren’t mind readers. Somebody really wise once told me that if you’re not brave enough to tell someone you love them, you have to be prepared to watch them be loved by someone else. And that saying is true. If you’re too concerned about coming across as blasé and like you don’t give a damn even though deep down you do, it’s only a matter of time before the guy you’re dating will move on and find someone who cares openly. Everyone wants to feel loved, especially the guys who claim they don’t need anybody.
  6. You should never apologize for wanting to put a label on your relationship.  If you want a label, if you want to know where you stand, if you want to know where you stand with him, that’s totally understandable. And if he doesn’t like it, screw him. You should never apologize for caring or wanting clarity. Don’t allow guys to convince you that you’re crazy, possessive, or that you’re moving too fast. It’s brave to not take a backseat, to put yourself out there and ask him outright. Screw being the chill girl. Be the courageous girl.
  7. Being the one who loves more is nothing to be afraid of. There will always be someone in every relationship who loves more, even when it’s too close to call. Sometimes people say you should find a man who loves you more than you love him, but I think that’s BS. Why settle for someone you don’t want to love with the entirety of your heart and soul? The right person should make you want to express all of your feelings regardless of how scary that might be.
  8. The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. If you’re a girl who doesn’t give AF or pretends to not to in the dating arena; then you’re likely to not care about anything — whether it’s your job, your friends, your health, or your dreams. Pretending not to care can easily turn into actually not caring. And if you can’t care about your own life, how do you expect anyone else to? The way you love others is the way that you also love yourself, and it’s important to love yourself completely.
  9. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is good for you. People like to take the ‘IDGAF’ attitude and wear it as a mask so that they don’t allow themselves to get too attached to anyone. The truth is, being vulnerable and allowing yourself to trust somebody takes a lot of courage, and it’s what makes you feel alive. Of course, you run the risk of getting hurt, but there’s always a risk when something truly amazing is up for grabs. Love is always worth it.
  10. Trying to be like everybody else is stupid. Maybe you’ve seen other girls who have several guys running after them, and the guys they date are always doing the chasing – a chase that never seems to end. On the outside, it might look like they’re in a position of power. But so what? That girl is not you. If you find yourself blurting out your feelings ‘too soon’, or saying ‘I love you’ first, that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with putting your feelings out there and showing the world exactly who you are. Being yourself is the most beautiful way you can be. The right man will love you for giving a load of f*cks.
Shani is a full time writer and GLOW-GETTER currently based wherever she can find a bit of peace and harmony.. Her work has found itself a home on many platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Unwritten, Style Honey, CT Magazine, and All Women Stalk. She's also the author of several books, which can be purchased on Amazon.

Shani is the founder of the #GLOWGETTERTRIBE - check it out and join on her website.

You can also follow her on Instagram @shanijaywriter.