Ladies, Don’t Expect Us Guys To Magically Know These Things — Just Tell Us What You’re Thinking

I hate to admit this, but men are stupid creatures at times. We try so hard to be smart, but frankly, we miss a lot. We’re terrible at reading minds or even picking up on what women would see as obvious cues, and while we feel bad about it, it’d be a lot easier for both of us if you told us straight up what you want us to do rather than hoping we figure it out — we won’t. Here are 10 things in particular you’ll need to spell out for us (because yes, we really are that slow on the uptake):

  1. Why you’re upset I know it can be infuriating when you tell us that we need to hang our towels up or else they’ll start to smell and yet you STILL find it on the ground. We get that. But it’s equally infuriating to have you be mad at us and we have no earthly idea why, and when we ask, you say, “Nothing.” Two petty wrongs do not make a right, so whatever you’re mad about, you need to tell us. Whether it’s the first time, the fifth time, the hundredth time – please either tell us what’s wrong or forget being upset. That’s the rules of clear communication.
  2. When something is important to you Naturally, we’ll do our very best to be attentive and supportive, and most of the time we’ll get it right. But sometimes we won’t. If this promotion is important to you, tell us. If it’s important to you to spend Christmas together, tell us. Whatever it is, the more we both know, the better our relationship is going to be.
  3. When a sex position isn’t doing it for you We’re going eventually try some new stuff in the bedroom, and sometimes, it’s just not going to work for you. Please don’t grin and bear it. Even if we love it, if it’s not working for you, let us know. Again, usually we’ll get the signals, but sometimes in the heat of the moment, we’ll miss them. The key to good sex is good communication, so speak up. I promise most of us will bend over backward to get it right.
  4. What jewelry you like Jewellery is a wonderful gift – it’s expensive, very couple-y, and something you’ll never buy yourself. But you need to help out a little bit now and again. Sure, sometimes we’ll get lucky and you’ll point out a piece you really like and we’ll remember and then get it, but honestly, that doesn’t happen that often. Help us out. You don’t need to pick the piece – you just need to help steer us in the right direction.
  5. What perfume you like Scent is an outrageously personal thing. Either provide the specific product or at least a scent family to aim for. Better yet, take us on a perfume shopping date. Otherwise, we have a pretty slim chance of picking the right thing for you (and we really want to).
  6. What you want out of a relationship How are we supposed to know that you’re really just looking for a casual get-together fling for a while but don’t see anything serious on the horizon? Or that you see this as a long-term thing? It’s impossible to guess what the other person wants, but if you TELL us what you want, you can find out if we’re on the same page or not. We don’t want to waste time any more than you do!
  7. When you’re not looking for a solution, you’re just looking to vent Sometimes, you’re not looking for a solution to a problem and the last thing you want is advice. What you actually want to do is be heard, listened to, and empathized with. Totally understood! But we guys LOVE to fix stuff. Our approach to literally any problem is to find a solution and hop to it. So if you don’t want it fixed, you gotta let us know.
  8. When you just need a minute to yourself How is anyone supposed to sense that you just need some time to gather your thoughts? Everyone needs alone time sometimes and that’s totally fine — we’re happy to give it to you. It’s just hard to know when someone you’re dating needs it. Better to be up front so that there’s no misunderstanding and we’re meeting your needs.
  9. When you need our answers to all these questions That’s right — you need to tell us when we need to answer all these questions too. Guys will naturally keep most of this inside and just not think about it, which puts you in a terrible position of having to figure out what we want, taking stabs at it and really just hoping for the best. That’s a terrible situation to be in, so tell us. Tell us that we need to think about and come up with answers to all these questions. Your relationship will benefit in the long run, guaranteed.
Spencer is a freelance writer who loves writing articles that are fun to read and easy to understand. When he's not writing, he's usually listening to podcasts and traveling the world searching for the elusive perfect croissant.