I love hanging out with my best girlfriends, but it really puts a damper on the outings when all they want to talk about is guys. We’re getting together to have a chance to unwind and have fun, not obsess over the men in our lives. Seriously, it needs to stop!
It’s fun, but it has a limit.
Sure, who doesn’t love hearing about how Cathy’s boyfriend does a really bad Mick Jagger impression, or how Lucy’s husband always argues with her about moving his Star Wars figurines out of the bedroom? However, after a while, talking about boyfriends or husbands starts to feel… uncomfortable.
We don’t talk about ourselves.
If I haven’t seen my friends for a while, I want to know what’s going on in their lives, but sometimes it feels like we just talk about our love lives, not our lives in general.
We exist outside of our relationships, for goodness’ sake.
Come on, we’re all so much more than someone’s girlfriend or wife, aren’t we? So why can’t we act like it? Sometimes it feels like even if the conversation starts being about ourselves, like our careers or passions, it always ends up going back to the men in our lives.
We’re not dealing with our relationship problems.
If one of my friends has a problem with her boyfriend or husband, shouldn’t she just be dealing with it with him? If she’s always talking our ears off about her relationship problems, there’s clearly an issue she’s not confronting. By talking and gossiping about it, we’re not really solving much at the end of the day.
We’re airing dirty laundry.
I hate talking about my relationship with others in my life. I like to keep things sacred. But some of my friends have no internal censor when giving me intimate details of their relationships. It makes me feel weird. The next time I see their boyfriends, I’m not going to be able to act normal around them. It’s just not cool to air dirty laundry. Yeah, I know friends are supposed to share things with each other and support each other, but there’s a limit to all that TMI.
I want to do our own thing.
It might sound selfish, but sometimes I feel like I miss the women my friends were when they weren’t in relationships. When they’re always talking about relationship drama, it feels like I’m losing them to that. They’ve got tunnel vision!
I feel a bit used.
When my friends and I meet for lunch or drinks, and one of them just wants to offload about her relationship drama all that time, I start to feel used. Again, I want to be there for her and help her out, but where is she when things are going great in her relationship? She’s the type who only shows up when she needs help to decode her boyfriend’s behavior. It feels a bit like a toxic friendship, to be honest.
It starts to feel like a rut.
When we’re always talking about men instead of ourselves, I can’t help but wonder if we’re in a bit of a rut. Do we not have much to talk to each other about anymore? That was the case with one of my BFFs. We were always talking about men and I realized one day that we hardly even knew each other, but it was like she didn’t want to talk about anything else, which prevented us from becoming closer.
There are better things we can talk about.
I don’t want to sit and analyze why Jamie’s crush is sending her cryptic texts (hint: he’s not that into her) for the millionth time. Imagine what we could accomplish together if we directed that energy and effort elsewhere!
I want to see their best selves.
A strange thing happens when the topic of conversation is always about men. My wonderful, successful, beautiful and strong female friends start to show much more of their low self-esteem, insecurities, doubts, and anger. Where did those amazing women go? It’s sad how bad guys can bring out the worst in women, and what makes it even sadder is that they’re giving those bad men their best selves.
We don’t have to bond in this way.
Confiding in each other about man-related woes might make us seem connected, but to me it just feels like we’re moving further apart. There are much better ways for us to connect and bond!
It’s nice to have a life outside of the relationship.
Maybe what that BFF of mine who’s going through so much relationship drama really needs isn’t to sit around cheesecake and cry about what her boyfriend’s done to upset her. Maybe she needs to totally forget all about him just for one night! Maybe that’s a much more productive way of supporting each other sometimes. Besides, it can’t do her harm to realize that she’s got a lot of love and fun to be had outside of the confines of her toxic relationship. Enough said.
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