Ladies, Sometimes Being Single Is The Upgrade — Remember That

There was a time in my life when I legitimately thought that being in a relationship with someone lackluster or even outright toxic was better than being alone. I (unsuccessfully) tried to change so many guys, ignored countless red flags, and spent a lot of my twenties pretty unhappy as a result. Now I realize that being single isn’t anything to run from — it’s actually the ultimate upgrade. Don’t believe me? Consider this.

  1. No one can love you better than you love yourself. Realizing this is the biggest upgrade on the planet. For so long, I was looking for someone to love me and complete me, not realizing that I already had that love inside of me and that I was already whole — I just had to tap into it. People will come and go from your life but there’s one person who will be there until the very end: you. It’s so, so important to cultivate your relationship with yourself and to learn to love yourself deeply and unconditionally. When you have that, it’s hard to want for much else.
  2. Nothing is more important than protecting your energy. Think of all the aggravation you’ve had from men over the years. All the ignored texts, the petty arguments, the cheating, the lack of commitment, the lies… the list goes on and on. This bulls–t leaves you feeling drained and miserable with nothing to show for it when the relationship inevitably ends, but doesn’t have to be that way. When you ditch these losers and embrace being single, you’ll upgrade your life exponentially. Protecting your energy should always be your number one priority.
  3. Life’s too short to be in bad relationships. If you’re lucky, you get, what, 70 or 80 years on this planet? In the grand scheme of the universe, that’s not very long. There are so many things that we have to deal with in life that we have no control over, but who we have in our lives isn’t one of those things. You don’t want to look back 50 years from now and regret wasting so much time with and on men who weren’t worthy of you. Upgrade your life and get rid of people who shouldn’t be there.
  4. Anything that doesn’t serve you doesn’t belong in your life. I’m not saying your partner should exist solely to meet your every need and fulfill your every whim, but he should add something to your life, or else what’s the point? You have things you want to accomplish, places you want to go, people you want to meet. You’re looking for someone to join you on your journey, to build alongside you. If that’s not happening, it’s not worth pursuing, you feel me?
  5. You’re worth the best — you have to demand it. You get what you put up with in life. If you accept toxic men who belittle you, cheat on you, ignore you, or take you for granted, that’s what you’ll get. The biggest upgrade is realizing that you don’t have to stay with someone who’s dragging you down and who doesn’t realize what a catch you are. You give everything you have to relationships and should expect the same in return.
  6. There’s so much to love about being alone. There’s so much pressure on women to couple up, especially as we get a bit older, as if somehow our lives are a failure if we’re not in a relationship by the time we hit 30. That’s ridiculous. Healthy relationships can be really rewarding and enjoyable, of course, but there’s just as much to love about being on your own — especially when the alternative is being in an unsatisfying or downright terrible relationship. Sleeping alone, having tons of time to spend with your friends and family, focusing on your career, taking yourself on dates, deepening your self-care routines… all of these are at your disposal when you’re rolling solo.
  7. There’s more to life than being in love. I mean, right? Again, love is wonderful and transformative and all of those other positive adjectives, but it’s not the be all, end all. There are so many other things in life to focus on and find fulfillment from. Once you realize and truly embrace that idea, that’s when your life experiences a true upgrade.
  8. You’ll never have a more peaceful sleep than when you’re not stressed about what some guy’s doing. Ain’t this the damn truth! I spent so much time laying in bed crying over guys who broke my heart, stressing about ones who were about to, and generally feeling terrible because I knew deep down that the person I cared about so much didn’t feel the same about me. Once I realized I could simply walk away from relationships that suck, I immediately became so much happier and realized that yes, being single really is the upgrade.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia