If you’re strong, smart, ambitious, or any combination of the three, you’ve likely been labeled as intimidating by guys. Maybe it’s made you hesitant about being unapologetically yourself because you don’t want to turn them off—screw that. You’re not intimidating—he’s intimidated by you. How is that your problem?
Why should you have to diminish yourself to be loved? Maybe you get a little loud when you’re passionate about something or you put in 60 hour work weeks because you’re THISCLOSE to a promotion in your field. Maybe you love traveling solo or you’re currently earning your Ph.D. or you’ve run six marathons this year so far. Those are all amazing achievements—why on earth would you downplay them for the sake of a guy? NOPE.
A guy who’s secure in himself wouldn’t be intimidated by anybody. A guy who considers you “intimidating” is basically telling you that he doesn’t think he can compete. He feels he hasn’t achieved as much as you or perhaps doesn’t have as much drive as you, so instead of examining his own life and what’s holding him back, he projects his issues onto you. If he felt good about his choices and the life he was living, being intimidated by you or anyone else wouldn’t be possible.
Your “intimidating” characteristics should be celebrated, not shamed. One of the major perks of being in a relationship is having a partner who’s your biggest cheerleader. They not only lift you up when you fail, they’re there cheering you on when you achieve your goals, big or small. A guy who cowers at the thought of you out there killing it is one you definitely don’t want in your life.
The idea that women shouldn’t be outspoken or take charge is outdated BS. Is he intimidated or is he a misogynist who thinks women shouldn’t be quite so ambitious or “out there” and instead should stick to being meek and compliant and not too braggy? There’s a thin line between insecurity and misogyny in this case, and neither are things you should have to deal with.
Don’t you want a guy who appreciates a strong woman? Let’s say you did end up with a guy who was intimidated by you but still wanted to date you. What kind of relationship would that be? You’d constantly have to play down your accomplishments and stroke his ego to ensure he wasn’t constantly feeling emasculated or left behind or whatever other toxic crap you can think of. You deserve so much better.
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