There are some things in life that are better saved for another time, but how much should you let convenience impact your relationships? If you’ve found a great connection with someone but it never quite gets off the ground, he may be biding his time before he commits to launching. Is this happening to you?
He makes excuses for why you can’t be together now. And his reasons are pretty convincing. Maybe he’s moving, maybe he has big travel plans, or maybe he wants to focus on his career. While some of these excuses may be valid, do you really want to end up with someone who only committed when it was convenient? Long-term relationships require both parties to show up even when it’s tough to do so.
He tells you how much you mean to him without actually committing. This guy can really talk the talk and his words carry a lot of weight. But how much action does he back it all up with? Talk is cheap, and if you have your heart set on a future with him, you want to make sure he’s investing more than just empty words into the relationship.
He keeps tabs on you. He watches your Instagram stories, likes your photos and is always interested in what you’re doing and what your plans are. Unlike that guy who ghosted you or the ex who fades away eventually, you get the impression he’s constantly there, waiting in the wings for the right moment.
He’s not over his last relationship. If his last relationship was recent or left him a little battered, he may not be ready to dive into another commitment, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t recognize a catch when he sees one. He does just enough to keep you around but also mentions bad breakups or traumatic past relationship experiences every time it looks like it’s getting more serious.
He talks a lot about timing. Timing is an elusive concept. While it can have a huge impact on the success of any venture, it shouldn’t totally dominate all of your decisions. After all, life is always evolving—circumstances constantly change and you can’t possibly plan everything. Consider this before you take bad timing as a reasonable excuse to not commit.
He stays in touch even when it makes more sense not to. Even if you both get busy or don’t live near each other, he makes an effort to keep communication open. He also makes sure to make a physical appearance in your life often enough to keep your connection alive. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want you to forget about him anytime soon.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Let’s be honest, if the two of you have some kind of ongoing involvement that allows for total freedom, is he likely to give that up if he doesn’t have to? Unless you put your foot down, he’s probably content keeping you there in the wings while he has his fun, and it’s likely to continue this way until you demand commitment—or until something even shinier comes his way.
He talks about being involved in each other’s future but never makes any commitments. While referring to you being in his life long-term might seem romantic, it’s actually a little manipulative. This isn’t The Notebook—the chances of him showing up someday and sweeping you off your feet with everything he ever promised is about as likely as actual Ryan Gosling showing up on your doorstep. If he won’t put his money where his mouth is now, you’re probably better off moving on.
He says he’s just not ready yet. It’s OK to not feel ready for a serious commitment; after all, you probably don’t want someone who made a flippant decision to be with you. Still, he has to understand that you won’t wait around for him to get his act together. When you’re not willing to take action, there are consequences—like missing out on a great opportunity to be with an amazing woman like you. Who knows, if you’re more assertive about the “now or never,” he may suddenly be more ready than he thinks he is.
He might be pulling all the strings to align the situation to suit his exact needs, but it’s up to you whether you maintain the ties or cut them loose. Unless you have an agreement to wait until it’s convenient for you both, heed the warning signs before you take yourself off the market for someone who may or may not commit to buy.
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