If You’re Lazy AF, It Might Be Because You’re A Genius

Every once in a while a study comes along that literally changes your life forever. Well, I have such a study for you: If you hate to workout, you’re probably (most definitely) a genius. Here’s how us lazy people who shun the gym are basically all Einsteins in the making.

  1. We get more done while doing physically nothing. I know, I know; sports fans and players will condemn this, but according to the study, it’s true. Those of us who prefer to, say, lounge around on the couch, looking at the wall and contemplating the future are absolutely thinking more than people who are playing any sport that’s ever existed. That includes all that fancy mathematical work that quarterback Tom Brady does for the Patriots.
  2. We understand with lounging comes great responsibility. You know what happens when geniuses like us lay around on the couch for hours, looking at the wall, just thinking and thinking? Everything. Do you know what an over-active brain can do? Solve the world’s energy crisis, put an end to climate change, and finally invent a hover-board that doesn’t explode. Can you imagine a world where a hover-board actually functions the way we all imagined it would after seeing Back to the Future II? It would be perfection.
  3. We get our stimulation elsewhere. While the muscle-heads of the world hit the gym to stimulate their, well, whatever, those of us who walk right past the gym and to the donut factory, for example, have a need to stimulate something else. In other words, those who don’t exercise their body need to exercise their brain instead. That’s their workout – and the donuts help for inspiration, FYI.
  4. We need time to think. That’s right: we need it. According to the study, those of us who don’t care to workout have a “need for cognition.” Obviously, the same can’t be said about people who need to run around in circles on a track for hours on end. Seriously, like, what are you doing? It’s a circle! You’re not going anywhere! And it doesn’t even take a genius to figure that out!
  5. We don’t get bored very easily. Although it might seem strange that great minds wouldn’t get bored very easily, the study found that our constant thinking keeps our minds engaged so boredom doesn’t become a factor. On the other hand, active people—or as the researchers called them, “non-thinkers”—are far more prone to boredom, meaning they have to get up and run around like puppies just trying to have fun. There’s nothing wrong with fun, of course, but as a thinker, I’m allowed to pass judgment, so I will: Ugh. Running around like little puppies. 
  6. We tend to be more secure in ourselves. One of the most annoying things about a genius who knows they’re a genius is their arrogance about it. But, now that you know you’re a genius, you get to be annoyingly arrogant, too. The theory here is that the non-thinker, in addition to easily being bored, isn’t quite comfortable in their own world so they need to turn to physical activity to sort of put their mind at ease. Us geniuses, however, don’t feel the need to escape anything, proving that we just might be more secure and confident in ourselves than active people.
  7. We just don’t have an interest in moving around much. Simply, as the study found, our need and the true enjoyment we get from thinking completely strips us of any interest we might have in being active. I mean, sure, we’ll move if we have to – it’s not like that fridge is going to waddle in here on its own and hand us that last slice of cake.
  8. We work out in our own way. Because our brain is constantly on the move, unlike “low-need-for-cognition” people, we get exhausted in our own way. Our need to think is on par with the active person’s need to run around; that’s how we expend our energy. Even if you’re not a thinker, per se, just recall how wiped out you’ve felt after an important exam – all you wanted was a nap afterward, right?
  9. We never need a break, but non-thinkers do. As the researchers discovered after the week-long study, once the weekend hits, when it comes to activity, we’re all the same. The activity trackers found that the highly active people sort of crashed when the weekend rolled around, while the thinkers’ activity stayed the same. As to whether or not this proves that physically active people go into thinking mode on the weekends, the study didn’t say. It could just mean they need to take to their bed to sleep off the week.
  10. Ultimately, we should take all of this with a grain of salt. Now that I’ve revved you all up and you’re about to cancel your gym membership and buy a pair of those stretchy pajama jeans, it should be noted that the study was of only 60 students at one college in Florida. However, not that we got that caveat out of the way, as a genius, I’m pretty damn sure that no matter the sample size for the study, the results would have been the same: If you hate to workout, you’re brilliant. Because obviously. 
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.
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