If you’re tired of feeling obligated to do things you don’t want to do and exhausted from worrying about everyone but yourself, you need to learn how to not give AF. Putting this amazing concept into practice has actually changed my life and it’ll change yours too. Here are some pointers to get you started.
Don’t just ignore your problems, pick your battles and fight them fairly. In order to do this right, there are guidelines. It’s not a case of simply not giving AF about anything you’re unhappy with because that would make you a douche. Minor problems can still be important ones that you need to confront so you can move forward. However, if you practice not giving AF in the right way, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
Declutter your mind, not your apartment. Sure, observing all the items in your home and deciding what brings you joy and what doesn’t is a great way to get rid of bad vibes and create a cleaner living space, but this is a temporary measure at best. Decluttering your mind is for life and it will change yours. Imagine your mind is a virtual apartment. It’s full of stuff you love, stuff that annoys you, and stuff that doesn’t actually need to be there. Sort them into two piles: stuff you have to deal with—bills, work, family and friends—and stuff you don’t. Once you’ve gotten rid of all the extraneous crap and stripped it of its power, you’ve officially achieved mental decluttering and you’re halfway to changing your life forever.
Learn what it really means not to give AF. It means you don’t care about something and that you don’t want to spend your time, money, and energy on it. For example, a lot of people would give their left toe to see their favorite band in concert but I don’t get it. I’d much rather listen to the album at home with a glass of champagne or in a club while I pull some shapes. I don’t want to stand in line for hours to get a good spot and to be pushed and shoved and packed in like a sardine with an overpriced drink. So I don’t go. This is a small and random example, but when you stop giving AF about the things you don’t care about, you’ll have more of everything to spend on the things you do.
Create a f*ck budget and spend wisely. Your mileage might be different to mine. I’ve discovered that I have very few f*cks in my budget so I’m careful about how I spend them. These are called your f*ckbucks. I only spend my f*ckbucks on things that are deserving: loyal friends, my passions, worthy guys. Once you know how much is in your f*ck budget, you can start giving fewer, better f*cks to things that really enrich your life.
Perform the “not sorry” method. Now you know what you do and don’t GAF about, it’s time to stop giving them. The “not sorry” method uses truth and courtesy while being totally unapologetic. Imagine the latest season of your favorite series had just dropped on Netflix but you’ve also been invited to dinner by a colleague. You feel obligated to go because it’s the first time she’s reached out to you outside of work, but you don’t really like her that much and would rather sit on your couch with a bag of Doritos and WiFi. Respond in a timely manner and simply say, “No thanks, can’t make it.” You could even mention that you don’t have time, or, if you’re feeling super honest, that you don’t want to. These are all acceptable responses.
If you don’t have to do it and you don’t want to, don’t. Some things in life are mandatory: meeting deadlines, attending important work meetings, paying your taxes, yada yada. Everything else actually isn’t. You can even figure out how much of a f*ck you’re willing to give for certain situations. Will you attend your friend’s aunt’s birthday party? Yes. Will you bake her cake and help decorate the room? Hell no.
Don’t say yes right away; pause and visualize. If you commit to something and bail last minute, that’s not cool and that’s not how the method works. That makes you look flaky and unreliable and it’s also just impolite. Before you commit, always take a step back and visualize the situation. Do you already have too many responsibilities to fulfill that week? Will you actually enjoy that commitment or are you contemplating because you irrationally feel obligated? If you can’t say no to the things you don’t want, you’ll never be able to say yes to the things you do!
Recognize that the long-term effects are worth the short-term effort. Once you stop spending time with people you don’t like and get rid of the things you don’t need, you’ll find your whole attitude changes for the better. You’ll be less irritable and worry less about how you’re going to get out of the things you don’t want to spend your f*ckbucks on.
When all else fails, schedule an appointment. If you’re struggling to put this technique into practice and worry too much about how others will feel, schedule an appointment to worry about it later. Start on a Monday and block out an hour in your schedule that Friday dedicated to worrying about these things. Let your list grow throughout the week and you’ll be surprised how many of those worries are obsolete by Friday.
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