I Tried To Be Less Emotional To Keep A Guy Interested But It Backfired

After a guy said I was “too much to deal with” because I was quite emotional, I tried to be the carefree cool girl who didn’t act “crazy” so that I would keep him happy. Needless to say, that was a terrible idea.

I’ve always been emotional but he couldn’t handle it.

I’m passionate about things, speak loudly, and laugh from my belly; I tell people what I think and I cry if I feel like it. I’m an emotional person and I don’t see what’s wrong with that. Unfortunately, this guy wasn’t on board. We’d been dating for a few weeks when he told me he thought I was too much to deal with. Um, what? I’d been such a nice and accommodating person to him since we’d met.

He used the term “emotionally high-maintenance.”

He said that he felt like I needed the man in my life to be really strong and supportive. I asked him what that meant exactly, to which he replied that it’s “not easy to deal with someone who’s so emotional all the time.” It was a serious blow—I felt like he thought I was crazy or something. Since when was it a crime to feel things and express yourself?

Sadly, I actually believed him.

I was really into him and I guess I wasn’t as sure of myself as I should’ve been. I was battling with low levels of self-confidence at that point in my life. Because of that, I seriously believed he was telling me the truth and that I should follow his advice and be a bit more “chill.” I somehow thought that would make me a better person and a much better girlfriend. Sad but true.

I clipped my wings.

Instead of being who I was and allowing myself to be comfortable in our relationship, I started to censor myself. When I had the urge to get excited about things, I’d try to appear more rational and calm. If I was anxious, I’d hide it so that my BF wouldn’t know and think I was really crazy or something. When I had a bad day or a fight with my friend, I’d pretend I was totally fine when all I really wanted was to be able to be myself. Sad, huh?

I hid all my pain.

When my BF did something to piss me off, like the time he made a nasty “joke” about me, I’d seethe but I wouldn’t tell him to go to hell because I didn’t want to seem like an emotionally unstable or uptight person. I bottled up all my emotions and slapped a smile on my face. I’d even force myself to laugh so he’d think I was super cool and unaffected by negativity.

I wanted to be the cool girl but my body rebelled.

I wanted to be someone relaxed and fun to be around, but I was totally neglecting my needs and feelings. It wasn’t healthy and I started to feel it. As time went on, the more I tried to hide and strangle my feelings, the more powerfully they tried to fight back. What was even worse was that my anxiety was through the roof. I was trying so hard to pretend I wasn’t anxious in this relationship that I ended up feeling anxious every day. I can’t believe I allowed myself to hurt myself so much just because of some guy who wanted me to change.

I became depressed and my boyfriend noticed.

I wanted to be the life of the party but also the mellow woman who everyone loved being around. Trying to force these qualities onto myself had the opposite effect: I became depressed AF and even more tightly wound up. One night, we were out at dinner with his friends and I hardly spoke all evening. I was just feeling so down and out. I wasn’t myself and I hated who I’d become. He asked me what was wrong and I realized I had to come clean.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

After his friends left, I told him that I’d been trying to be the woman he wanted (cringe) and it just wasn’t working. I wasn’t being my real self. I wanted to be who I was—loud, passionate, emotional, and even crazy, damnit! It would be so much better to do that than to continue trying to be liked for all the qualities I really didn’t possess and never would.

I had a light-bulb moment.

While I was talking to him about this, I realized something huge: I wasn’t just depressed because I was fighting my true feelings, I was depressed because I didn’t want to be with this guy anymore. Now it was time to listen to my feelings and GTFO. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done and I allowed myself to express every single bit of my newfound freedom and excitement. It was fantastic!

The best dating/relationships advice on the web – Sponsored If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero, a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here

Read more:

Share this article now!