We’re Having Less Sex Than Ever Before— Here’s Why That’s a Good Thing

Let’s talk about sex—or, actually, the lack thereof. According to a study from San Diego State University, the average American had sex nine times less each year from 2010 to 2014. Additionally, couples who were shacked up—married or otherwise—had 16 times less than the decade before. So, why are we having less sex than our parents (gross)? We have a few ideas.

WE KNOW SAFETY COMES FIRST.

We’re part of the generation that assumes everything is going to kill us. Call us wussies but we like to play it safe. We’ve heard the horror stories of STDs and unplanned pregnancies from Sex Ed, television, movies, our closest friends, and…well, experience. Sorry, dudes, but we’re not subscribing to the whole ‘you can’t get pregnant in a hot tub’ BS. No condom, no dice. Got it?

WE’RE WORKING TOWARDS OUR GOALS.

TBH, we have a million better things to do than a roll in the hay. Don’t get us wrong, sex is great. We all need some sexual healing from time to time, but these days, we stay up late to finish research for our big work presentation—not because we’re getting busy under the sheets. What really gets our gears going are the things we’re passionate about—our hobbies, our careers, our cats, etc. Sex isn’t going anywhere; it’ll be waiting for us when we’re ready.

WE REFUSE TO SETTLE.

We have standards, okay? We don’t care if he’s a nice guy—if we’re not into him, he’s not getting into us. Sex doesn’t always have to be meaningful, but the majority of us gals need more than a basic, surface level connection to get down and dirty. No matter how much of a dry spell we’ve been experiencing, we’re not going to take our hair down for the first kind of cute guy who opens doors and pays for dinner.

WE KNOW THERE’S MORE TO RELATIONSHIPS.

The early months of a relationship aren’t called the honeymoon phase for nothing. Meeting and falling into lust and love with a partner we can’t get enough of is exciting and often all-consuming. However, when the newness wears away, the I WANNA RIP YOUR CLOTHES OFF RIGHT NOW feeling usually does as well. Instead of moving onto the next sexual escapade, we stay with the person we know has so much more to offer than a mind-blowing sex sesh. At 11 p.m., you can find us in bed reading e-books and checking the weather for next weekend’s camping adventure. Sex may be a vital part of a healthy relationship but it sure as hell isn’t the only part.

WE DEMAND RESPECT FOR OUR BODIES.

The days of being wooed by the acoustic guitar playing, five o’clock shadow having, no shoes wearing campus John Mayer are over. You know the type. How many girls did he sleep with again? If he doesn’t wear shoes in the cafeteria, you can safely assume he’s not a proponent of wearing protection other places. We’re grown-ups now and we know that the bodies we have now are the bodies that are going with us to the grave. We want them as clean and healthy as possible—and that means saying no to sexual partners who could threaten that.

WE HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER.

We get it—sexual attraction is primal. It’s only instinct for a guy to want to plant his caveman seed in a woman with good hips for childbearing. Side note: I felt as disgusting writing that as you did reading it. Anyway, we’re more than pretty faces and sturdy hips. We’re hilarious. We’re well-read. We’re opinionated and intelligent and the life of the party. We bring more to the table than a good time between the sheets, and we’re confident in all our minds have to offer. If he’s only in it to get it, see ya later, dude.

WE DON’T WANT KIDS (RIGHT NOW).

Our favorite aisle in the drugstore (second only to the makeup aisle) is the family planning aisle. We’re not quite ready to have kids so we’re taking every step to prevent an uh-oh pregnancy. More often than not, this means saying no to the hookup invitation from our FWB when our period tracker app says we’re fertile. Remember, condoms don’t prevent pregnancy 100% of the time, and neither does birth control. Accidents happen and we’re not risk takers where our lady parts are concerned.

WE’RE OVER MEANINGLESS HOOKUPS.

Ugh, give us a break. Meaningless hookups do nothing but disappoint and make us late for work. However, in the dating app age we’re living in, these types of interactions are all too common. Now, we’re all for doing whatever the hell you want with your body, so we’re not judging anyone who prefers this particular bedroom activity. Most of us have had our fair share of meaningless hookups with guys whose names we won’t be able to remember in five years’ time. But, like I said before, there are a million things we’d rather be doing than waking up in a stranger’s bed, finger brushing our teeth, and doing the 8 a.m. walk of shame back home.

WE DON’T WANT TO. 

Say it with me, ladies: no means no. No, we don’t want to Netflix and chill. No, we’re not going to answer a text with any variation of “U up?” No, we don’t want a ride home from the bar, guy we’ve known for barely an hour. Listen, we know all the tricks in the book. If we want to have sex with a guy, he’ll know because we’ll tell him. He shouldn’t mistake our friendliness for wanna-have-sex-ness. We simply don’t want to have sex. And, no, we don’t have to give a reason.

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