Lessons You Learn From Dating Terrible Men

Let’s just face the facts: some guys are jerks – not all of them by any means, but a lot. They’re selfish and treat women like crap. Whether it’s intentional or not, it doesn’t change the way they act. And we put up with it! It’s said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, so please learn your lessons from dating jerks and use them to make wiser decisions in your future relationships.

  1. Actions speak louder than words. An invitation or sweet text means nothing if a guy doesn’t back it up. If he asks you to make plans and never follows through, or he was smitten and intimate over text and distant in person, he’s waving a big red flag. The jerk flag.
  2. Never change your plans. Until a guy commits and has shown you he’ll treat you right, never put him before yourself. Ever. Never change plans to accommodate his schedule and never cancel anything you want to do that makes you happy. Jerks are inconsiderate and self-centered. Make sure you satisfy your needs and goals first. The second you give an inch, a jerk will take a mile and keep taking.
  3. Trust is earned. Women inherently want to trust a guy they’re spending time with, but trust shouldn’t be given out like samples on a Saturday at CostCo. Jerks want your trust up front so they can do whatever they want without suspicion. Make them earn it like their 401k.
  4. Always use protection. This applies to both your body and your heart. Jerks will lie and cheat and screw you (pun intended) over. Until you’re in a trusting, committed relationship, use protection during sex – and protect your heart until a guy has proved he will take care of it.
  5. Never assume you’re the only one. As mentioned above, jerks cheat. If you haven’t had the exclusivity talk, never assume you’re the only girl he’s calling “bae”. While you probably shouldn’t bring it up, it’s safe to operate under that assumption. Jerks love to justify their behavior if they’re caught by saying you haven’t had “the talk” yet.
  6. There are guys that disappear into thin air – and this is a good thing. Ghosts may not be real, but ghosting sure is. Jerks who can’t handle confrontation will disappear when they meet someone else or want to end things. While it’s hurtful and confusing in the beginning, in the long run, know you’re better off with a dude who has a set of balls.
  7. They always come back. As soon as you meet someone else or are over him for real, he’ll notice it on his jerk radar and he’ll pop back into your life. There will be no warning and he’ll try his hardest to woo you again. Stay strong. Nice guys never leave in the first place. There are no points for returning.
  8. Ain’t nobody got time for that. The biggest lesson women need to know about dating jerks is there is no need for it. Sure, the bad boy is attractive for about five seconds, but there’s no reason to waste your emotions, generosity, or your time. If you think you’re dating an jerk, you probably are, and once you realize it, you should end it so you can be with a nice guy who won’t finish last.
Abby Stern grew up in New Orleans and is now an actress, screenwriter, and blogger (who isn't?) trying to keep it real in Los Angeles. She also writes for FabFitFun and contributes to various blogs detailing her unique perspective on dating and twenty-something life in Hollywood. Gwyneth Paltrow is her spirit animal and in her free time, Abby enjoys Bellinis and plotting to steal unattended Birkin bags. Follow her on Twitter: @abbystern
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