I Let My Boyfriend Look Through My Phone — Why Wouldn’t I?

Snooping is a dirty game to play. Once you’ve fallen down that rabbit hole, it’s hard to find your way out of deception and back into the land of trust. But what if you give your partner permission to look through your messages? My partner and I do just that, and honestly, there’s nothing wrong with it.

  1. This is a two-way street. He shows me his and I show him mine. We’re not checking up on each other — we just have a relationship where we share everything. I tell him about every conversation I have and everything I do because that’s my life. We’re sharing a whole life together, not just bits and pieces, and that’s why our phones have a free-access policy.
  2. If he has my blessing, then it’s not an invasion of privacy. He’s not doing it behind my back. I’m fully aware of the situation, and that’s the difference. Snooping is deceitful, but it’s not snooping if I know about it. He’s not intruding on my life or my phone if I invite him in. A problem only starts if he does it behind my back without my knowledge. Thankfully, that’s not an issue here.
  3. It’s all about trust. The problem with snooping is that if you’re doing it, then you obviously don’t trust the person you’re with. That’s not the case here, though. I don’t care if he looks through my phone because I trust him and I know he trusts me. His intentions are honest, so whether or not we look at each other’s phones doesn’t even matter.
  4. Our boundaries are no one else’s business. Just because I offer for him to look one time doesn’t mean he can look anytime. At least, not if he’s ever trying to hide it from me. My phone is an open book as long as it’s not open behind my back. Every relationship has rules and guidelines that a couple sets together, and if I don’t feel the need to keep that privacy, that’s strictly between my boyfriend and me.
  5. It puts everything out in the open. We have a relationship where we can be open and honest with each other 100 percent of the time. I don’t have to worry about him hiding things from me and he doesn’t have to worry that I’m doing anything behind his back. We have peace of mind because our lives are completely open to each other. Our open phone policy has never done us any harm, but it has given our relationship a sense of true security.
  6. Communication is at an all-time high. Once we shared our phones, we were pretty much sharing everything. I can talk about anything with my partner, and that’s exactly what I wanted out of a relationship: to have a person I could tell anything and everything to. We both know who the other person talks to, and we have an avid interest in every aspect of each other’s lives. Our relationship is built on friendship, love, and communication, and that’s exactly how we know it’s going to last.
  7. We don’t keep secrets from each other. Holding secrets can be the downfall of any great relationship, but if we have full honesty, then there’s no reason to lie. The more we share, the more we realize that hiding things in our past relationships only ever caused problems. We’ve realized that we can be open with each other, and that keeps us from ever even have the urge to be deceitful.
  8. At the end of the day, a phone is just a phone. My cell phone isn’t meant to be a cage to keep secrets from my boyfriend. It’s not a way out of my relationship. I don’t use it to explore other paths that I could have taken with other men, especially because there are no “other men.” Snooping wouldn’t be an issue if phones weren’t at the center of affairs. So unless I had something to hide, I would never keep my boyfriend from a simple piece of my technology.
  9. It’s only a big deal if you make it a big deal. Looking through your partner’s phone has only become a big deal because couples made it that way, but we don’t have to be one of those couples. We’re entitled to our own definition of privacy.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.