My first experience with an unfaithful man was gut-wrenching to say the least, but after getting my heart and dignity trampled on over and over, I got better playing the game. Now I’m fine with dating dudes who wander, so long as they play by my rules.
I don’t show my eagerness. Fawning over men? That’s not my style. I like to give a man just enough attention when we’re out on a date and nothing more. I flirt by smiling or by lightly giving him a touch on his arm but I don’t go overboard. It’s all about keeping him interested in me but not giving away too much. I’m a puzzle he has to figure out and it keeps our relationship exciting.
I don’t make myself too available. Men who are unfaithful can easily disregard women who are always at their beck and call. I don’t make the first move and I don’t always respond to his texts or on social media. I also don’t check my devices every hour to see if he sent me messages. Instead, I let him know I have other stuff to do than to wait for him to ask me how my day was. I don’t also respond as soon as I’m invited for coffee… I let the invitation simmer.
I don’t need our relationship defined—I like dating other people too. Two months into dating this man and he still hasn’t called me his girlfriend? That’s fine. I’m not in a rush, especially when I can see that the man I’m with likes to keep exploring his options. If he’s not tied down to me and won’t commit exclusively, then that’s fine. That just gives me the leeway to be a free agent too. By also keeping my options open, I don’t become emotionally attached to a guy who could potentially hurt me by leaving me for another girl.
I let him see I’m having a good time with other men. Sometimes, I’m not even on a date with another guy but I make sure he sees me laughing at jokes my male friends crack. Something in men is stirred up when they see the competition and that only increases my guy’s interest in being with me. I know it challenges him to keep me exclusively his.
I don’t show I’m jealous. An unfaithful man knows how to turn the tables on a clueless girl. He’ll try to make her jealous too, but that trick doesn’t work on me. If the man I’m with is also dating another girl, I don’t show that it bothers me. If I happen to see them together, I play nice with her—she’s not the competition, she’s the pawn.
I still have my independence. If he cancels on our date, it’s not the end of the world for me. It simply means I’m going to be busy for a few days and he might not be able to see me until two Saturdays from now. Sometimes that sends him to my doorstep faster, but when he comes knocking, I’m not going to be at the door—I’ll be out with my friends and I didn’t have to check in with him about it first.
I demand he takes me on real dates. Drinks are fine for the first few dates, but when we’ve been flirting with each other for a while, I demand a real date—dinner, dancing, the works! I’m not asking for a ring; I’m just asking for man who’ll show me a good time. If he’s not into that, he might as well not bother being into me.
I call him out on his crap. If there’s something in the man that I don’t like or if I sense BS coming up, I tell him straight-up. Will it be enough to make him man up? That’s hard to say, but I know when I’m upfront and direct with these dudes, they see that I’m not a fool and they treat me better because of it.
I know when to say goodbye. When an unfaithful man starts trying to pull me in by saying the right things to tug at my heartstrings, it gets harder to cut him loose. I say goodbye before my feelings take over. I also end the relationship at the slightest clue that he’s getting bored with me. I need to protect my heart before it gets trampled on again. This is how I take care of myself.
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