How To Let Someone New In When You’ve Been Hurt A Lot

Having your heart broken and being let down in love over and over again sucks. Carrying those burdens with you as you move forward is a struggle, and when you meet someone new who seems promising, it can be hard to let your guard down. Here’s how to let someone new in when you’re used to getting hurt:

  1. Be honest and open about your fears.Fears of being hurt again will undoubtedly creep in, and sometimes, especially if you’re not completely healed from it, this can disrupt anything new and promising that starts to blossom with a new guy. Just be honest and upfront if you feel your insecurities start to come out. A real man isn’t going to blame or belittle you for your feelings; he’ll do his best to understand.
  2. Take things slow.Taking things slow is a pretty key point when you’ve been hurt a lot. Rushing into something and then being blindsided by a sudden ending will only make your situation even worse. Relax and take things day by day. Taking things slower will give you a better sense of comfort if things work out.
  3. Separate the past from the present.It’s hard to believe that he won’t hurt you when you’re used to nothing but being constantly hurt, but you need to separate your past from your present (and your future). He’s not the one who hurt you, but he could be the person who’ll love you forever, so give him a fighting chance.
  4. Give yourself space to think clearly.It’s important to take space for yourself when you’re getting to know someone new, no matter how much you want to spend every waking second together. You need time to digest the relationship and time to remind yourself that not every situation is going to end badly.
  5. Observe him for who he is. The scariest part about dating someone new when you’re used to being let down is fear that you’ll overlook a detail that led you to a crash and burn in the past. The best thing you can do is pay attention to who he is and observe his actions. They’ll tell you everything you need to know about whether he’s worth letting in.
  6. Accept the risk.Letting someone new in is scary, I get it — but the truth is that anyone can hurt us at any point in time and there’s a risk in every new relationship you pursue. It could end badly, or it could be amazing, but you’ll never know either unless you truly start to let him in to find out.
  7. Be patient with yourself.You’re not going to be miraculously healed overnight. It’ll take time, but every day will get easier, and over time, you’ll feel more secure and content with moving forward. After all, living in the past and constantly living in fear never does anything good for anyone.
  8. Don’t look back.The most important part about letting someone new in is not living in the past and not letting your past influence so much of your present and future. It’s OK to have lingering doubts and fears — it’s completely natural, in fact. But at least be honest with him and let him know it’s just going to take you a bit more time, but that you’ll get there, and hopefully he’ll be there with you.