Let’s Be Honest — I’d Choose Wine Over A Boyfriend Any Day

Having a boyfriend can be great, but it also comes with a lot of drama and annoyance that I sometimes feel like I’m better off without. Dealing with guys often leaves me feeling like I need to crack open a bottle of wine and drink the entire thing, one glass after the other. In fact, maybe I should just skip dating altogether and stick with the wine. That sounds good to me!

  1. Wine never cancels plans. Wine is the most rock solid relationship you’ll ever be in. It’s always there no matter what. It never gets flaky or forgets to text back. It doesn’t complain that you’re “getting clingy.” Wine just simply sits on your kitchen counter, waiting to comfort you in your time of need. It doesn’t matter if you pour a single glass or down the whole bottle in a sitting — wine will never let you down.
  2. Wine can perfectly cater to your mood. Feeling fresh and ready for summer? There’s a perfect white wine for you. Had a long day and just want to Netflix and chill? Pick up a bottle of red for some deep comfort. Boyfriends can try to fit your moods, but they’re never really quite as versatile as wine!
  3. Wine won’t clear out your bank account. Having a boyfriend is expensive! There are dates to plan, regular dinners out, and let’s not even get started on birthdays and holidays. All of those costs add up. Wine, on the other hand, is pretty cheap comparatively. This does depend on your taste, but if you only have a few dollars to spend, you can definitely find a bottle in that price range that still tastes delicious.
  4. Wine will never judge you. Want to come home and put on an episode of Friends you’ve seen a million times? You won’t hear a peep from wine. Could that BE any more awesome? Wine understands we all need our comfort shows every once in while. Want to have another slice of pizza? Go ahead, wine doesn’t care. It just wants you to be happy.
  5. Going home to wine’s place is a beautiful experience. Vineyards are basically heaven on earth, full of rolling hills covered in an endless sea of grapes. They’re some of the most gorgeous places on earth. There’s no way a boyfriend would ever have an apartment that can rival the sheer beauty of a vineyard. It’s impossible.
  6. Wine will never forget your birthday — or any other holiday for that matter. A boyfriend might have a business trip when it’s your birthday (the date of which he conveniently forgot before agreeing to head out of town), but wine never does. Wine doesn’t work late or forget to book a restaurant for Valentine’s Day. No, wine is completely dependable and has the best memory. Its priorities are 100 percent in check.
  7. Wine comes in rosé. Do I even need to say anything else? Rosé is basically one of the best things ever created. It’s subtly sweet without being saccharine and has just enough of a bite to keep you on your toes. Finding a guy with the same qualities is near impossible. And that color! Is there even a prettier shade of pink than rosé? Probably not.
  8. Wine will always impress your girlfriends. With a boyfriend, you always have to worry about what your friends will think. Do they really like him? What do they say about him when you’re not in the room? These questions never have to cross your mind when you’re talking about wine. Everyone loves wine, and it NEVER disappoints. Think about how your girlfriends react when you bring a bottle of wine to movie night. Now think about how they’d react if you randomly brought your boyfriend. Exactly. Wine wins every time.
  9. Wine loves every kind of food. Boyfriends can be so picky. He doesn’t like seafood or he’s just not “feeling” tacos tonight. Pshh! Talk about limiting. Wine is always down for any kind of food you want, whether it’s a big bowl of pasta or a nice, juicy steak! There’s a wine for every meal. Also, looking for some dessert? There’s even winecream!
  10. Wine will never complain about your TV habits.  You’ll never get an eye roll from wine if you flip on The Bachelor, Bachelorette, or even Bachelor in Paradise. It’s down to watch whatever you want. Are you more of an HGTV girl? Flip on Fixer Upper and wine will be just as happy. Chip and Joanna are just so cute, aren’t they?
  11. Wine loves DIY Projects. Wreaths made out of corks, bottles filled with sand and sea glass… You can even use the corks to make mini succulent planters! The options for reusing those wine bottles are endless. Wine encourages your creative side and always makes sure you have the materials you need for your next project. How considerate!
Victoria Hill is a freelance writer in Boston. Originally from Florida, she is slowly becoming accustomed to Boston winters. She loves writing, coffee, and actually experiencing seasons!