My Life Is A Mess And There’s No Room For A Boyfriend In It Right Now

I’m not naive — I know Prince Charming isn’t just going to come riding in on a white horse and turn my life into a fairytale, and there are no fairy godmothers to magically put my life together for me. The reality is, my life is a total mess and I can’t have a real relationship until I figure my crap out all on my own.

  1. A guy or a relationship can’t make me happy. No relationship could ever do that. I have to be happy with myself first. I wish life could be as easy as falling in love and having my problems magically vanish away, but that’s not how life works. I’d just be playing pretend and I don’t want to BS my life anymore. I want to learn how to be happy with my single self and not depend on someone else for my own sanity.
  2. I need to have actual time to have a relationship. My life is busy AF. I might want a relationship but at this point in my life, I just don’t have time for one. I’m cleaning up my mistakes and trying to get my life back on track. I’m trying to prioritize work, friends, family, and my mental and physical health. Until I have life a little more figured out, I just don’t have the means to devote a proper amount of time to a boyfriend.
  3. Right now, I have to focus on my career. I wish I were further along on my career track than I am, but I’ve had a few setbacks which I take full responsibility for. That doesn’t mean I don’t have goals and dreams, though. I have serious career aspirations and I don’t want to give them up to focus on a guy. Right now, my career comes first — that’s just the way it has to be.
  4. I want to finally get over my ex. Before I jump into a new relationship, I need to properly put my last relationship to rest. I need to put the final nail in that coffin and get the hell over my ex once and for all. I need to forgive him for the catastrophic heartbreak he caused me and then I need to forget him. I don’t want to date a new man while I’m still thinking about an old one. My last relationship was a mess and I just don’t want my next one to be.
  5. I’m still learning how to be independent. I need to know that I can manage life on my own. I don’t want to become dependent on my partner for money or anything else. I should be able to truly want a guy but not need one. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life relying on guys. I’m better than that. Right now, I’m figuring out life on my own and until I have a full grasp on it I need to just be single.
  6. I want to learn from my mistakes. How am I supposed to feel the real consequences of my choices if I always have a guy coming in to catch me when I fall? I need to deal with my mistakes on my own. I don’t want to be doomed to repeat the past and that’s why I need to learn from them. I’ve accepted that I’ve made some poor choices, but now it’s time to redeem myself for them. I need to make up for my past before I can have a future with someone else.
  7. If I’m not ready, I’ll just mess everything up again. If I don’t figure my crap out, a new relationship is just another thing I’m going to screw up. I don’t want to add to my mess. There’s no room for another plate on my stack, even if it’s something as wonderful as a meaningful relationship. If I’m not fully ready for love then I won’t be able to appreciate it or do it well, and that’s not fair to my future partner or me.
  8. I’m still working on forgiving myself for the mess I’ve made. I need to get through the mess I created and forgive myself for the pain I caused. I need to heal mentally before I can be with someone else. Figuring my life out might take some time, but I know in the end, being satisfied and finding self-acceptance will be worth it.
  9. I need to learn how to think things through. I have a history of making rash decisions so that every time things are going well, I rock the boat. I sabotage myself with my own stupid choices. I want my life to be consistent before I welcome a guy into it. Until I learn how to weigh all the options and think before I act, I can’t trust myself to fall in love.
  10. I want to be mentally stable. If I ever want to be able to accept a man’s love, I first need to learn how to love myself. Self-hatred is tiring and I’m working on self-acceptance. I need to learn that I’m worthy of love and further than that I deserve love. I have to truly believe that and believe in myself. I need a healthy mind before I can be in a healthy relationship.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.