What It’s Like To Date A Girl Who’s Been Played One Too Many Times

We’ve all been in bad relationships that have left their bruises. We may have healed and moved on, but the damage from being played one too many times can definitely leave a scar that changes the way we approach love. Here’s what you need to know about dating us:

  1. You have to give us time to let our guards down. We’re afraid to be vulnerable because getting too friendly too quickly hasn’t worked out so well in the past. We’ve built up walls to protect ourselves after the last blow to our hearts and it’s going to take time and serious effort to break them down again. You can’t rush the healing process, so please try and be patient.
  2. Trust definitely isn’t a given with us — you have to earn it. You have to prove that you’re worthy of trusting; that you’re reliable, dependable, and in it for the long haul. Too many guys have taken advantage of our trust, so it’s not something we take lightly. We’re not going to assume the best of you right off the bat. You have to take the time to show us that you’re not like the others and that you’re one guy we can trust. It’s a heavy task, but what relationship is easy?
  3. We’ll probably want to take things slow… like, at a snail’s pace. That’s going to take a lot of patience from you, we know, and we’re sorry. It’s not that we’re not interested — we really like you, and that’s why we need to protect our hearts from falling too hard too quickly. Physically and emotionally we’ll need to take it slow, but if you’re worth it, we’ll get there.
  4. You have to take your first chance seriously. We’ve already given out too many second chances — we don’t need another guy to disappoint us. We’ve learned that while we might be able to forgive unintentional mistakes, not every guy deserves a second chance. If you really want to be with us, you only get one shot.
  5. We’ll call you on your bullsh*t. We’ve sat silent and let sh*t slide for far too long with the guys who came before you. We’ve lived through the worst sorts of relationships that made us miserable and we’ll never go back to that. We’ve learned a thing or two and now we know what we deserve, we won’t settle for anything less.
  6. You’ll have to prove your worth. We’ve given our hearts to too many men who gave it back in pieces. If you really want to win us over, you have to find a way to show us that you’re nothing like the rest of them. We want to put our best foot forward and believe that this relationship and you could be the real deal, but until we’re certain, we’ll hold back a little to save ourselves the grief of another disappointment.
  7. We’ll hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Despite everything we’ve been through, we still want to find love. After all the heartbreak, we know we can survive anything on our own, so we don’t need love but it would definitely be nice to have. We pray we’ll find it with you, but we’re already steeling ourselves for the inevitable ending.
  8. You have to be up for the challenge. You can’t just tell us to get over what’s happened in our pasts. We’re over it, but now we’ve learned from it. We’re not just going to lay our hearts on the line again. It won’t be easy to get inside our heads and break down the walls we’ve built so high, but we promise we’re worth it in the end. Are you?
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.