What It Was Like To Date A Guy Who Wanted Sex But Didn’t Like To Kiss

The first time I saw him, I thought, “Oh man, I’d love to kiss him.” Then I discovered he wasn’t actually into kissing. WTF—was that even a thing? We dated for a few months and it was one of the weirdest relationships ever.

  1. I’m a big kisser and had no idea there are people who aren’t into it. I love kissing so much, I didn’t realize how much I’d miss it when it wasn’t available to me in a relationship until I dated this guy. He just wasn’t into it. He’d do it once in a while, and usually it was just a bit of tongue and a half-assed effort. I, on the other hand, could kiss for hours on end without it leading to more because it was so damn delicious.
  2. I rate guys according to their kissing skills. As they say, “It’s in his kiss.” It’s so true! I’ve always used kissing as a way to see if the guy I was dating was right for me. I can tell if we have chemistry, connection and if the sex will be good from those kisses. With this guy, it made it harder to tell if we were compatible because he wasn’t much of a kisser.
  3. We kissed the fun goodbye. There was less fun in our relationship because kissing was off the table. There were so many times when I wanted to kiss and he’d just pop one on my lips and then want to do other things, like have sex. I didn’t enjoy that at all and felt rejected many times.
  4. Kissing is a way to express myself. It’s not just about lips and tongues, it’s the feeling behind a kiss. Kissing is a way to show how much I love someone and how much I want to get up close and personal with them. Plus, it’s an important part of foreplay. It’s the “come here” that’s shown instead of whispered. This guy didn’t want to kiss so it was like he was neglecting my need to express myself. It sucked!
  5. We lost intimacy. Kissing is so intimate. I think it’s one of the most intimate things couples can do. Without it, a huge chunk of our intimacy went flying out the window, along with the fun. When we’d have sex, it was pleasurable but there wasn’t much kissing so it didn’t feel like we’d achieved closeness. Our sex always felt “off.”
  6. I wondered many times if it was me. I started to worry that he wasn’t kissing me because I wasn’t kissable. I started to do some investigative work, testing my breath (no, it was fresh) and even trying to improve my kissing methods by reading up on what kind of kissing styles men liked. I couldn’t seem to believe that he wasn’t into kissing because every other guy I’d known and dated had been into it.
  7. He gave me the kiss of death. I tried my new kissing styles on him and they fell flat. Sure, he seemed a little into them but I could feel that he just wasn’t into kissing, period. When I asked him about it, he said, “It’s just something you’re either into or not, like butt sex or giving head. I just don’t like kissing.” It made sense, but it just felt like we were on totally different pages.
  8. Our relationship temperature started to drop. There’s a reason kissing is so important in a relationship. Research has found that it increases dopamine chemicals, which are associated with craving and desire, as well as serotonin levels, which boost mood and create obsessive thoughts about one’s partner. Finally, kissing boosts oxytocin, which is known as the love hormone because it increases attachment between people. We were missing out on all of that and our relationship started to feel cold.
  9. I realized how useful kissing is. Having no kissing sessions in the relationship made me realize how much I’ve used kissing in different ways in the past. For instance, to comfort a partner, to feel good, for increased sexual pleasure, to feel affection and love, and to feel close to my partner. Kissing is so much more than just puckering up!
  10. The “no kiss” rule was a red flag. The kissing wasn’t such a big deal to him, but it was to me. It started to make me feel like there was a problem in our relationship that went deeper than the fact that we weren’t kissing. Since we were lacking an emotional connection that is created by kissing, it would certainly cause problems in our relationship at a later stage. Kissing was tied to emotions, and without those, what did we have going for us? Nothing special.
  11. It was a huge dealbreaker for me. The guy was a good person, but I just couldn’t handle the thought of a relationship without much kissing. He thought it was silly of me to feel that, but it was something important to me so it wasn’t silly at all. I need to feel loved and kissing is a huge part of expressing that.
  12. I felt guilty, but why should I suffer? I knew I’d be unhappy if we continued dating. I deserve a full relationship with all the perks, kissing included. Sex on its own is not enough for me to feel intimate with someone. This guy needed to find a woman who disliked kissing as much as he did so he, too, could be happy.
  13. They always say it’s in his kiss, but… Honestly, it’s also in his lack of kissing. Dating a guy who wasn’t into kissing showed me how much I don’t want to be with someone like that. Never again will I be with someone who feels differently on this subject. A relationship without kissing can kiss off!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.