I Like Sex, But I Could Easily Go Without It

It goes without saying that sex is a basic human need for many people. But for me, it’s never been a top concern. There are girls out there who can’t get enough sex, but while I definitely enjoy it, I don’t go crazy if I don’t get any for a while. It’s not that I’m asexual — my sex drive is just low enough that getting laid is rarely at the top of my to-do list. Even though I’m definitely not going to complain if I get some action, this is why it’s not the end of the world for me if I’m not having any luck when it comes to stripping it down with someone:

  1. I know myself better than any guy. I’ve had good sex and bad sex, but I have yet to find a guy who can do me better than I can do myself. Even when sex is ah-mazing and the communication between my partner and me is solid, it’s still difficult and awkward to try to direct the guy like you’d direct a video game character: “Up, wait — not that far up. Good, now to the left, STOP. Okay, now try to do that twisty-gyrating thing you did last Tuesday.” Sometimes, I don’t want to bother with the hassle and just allow my own body to do what it does best.
  2. I don’t crave it unless it’s with the right person. There are plenty of people who can do the whole “random hookup” thing, but I’m not one of them. I can appreciate a hot dude and wonder what it might be like to get him in bed, but I don’t actually find myself dying for sex unless I feel a strong emotional connection with someone first. Sometimes it takes a few weeks, and sometimes it just takes a few hours, but I don’t think I’ll ever be the type to want to get laid just for the sake of getting laid.
  3. It’s time-consuming. I’m a busy girl, and even though this might seem sad or pathetic to some people, there’s usually way too much on my mind to make sex a number-one priority. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it when it happens, but it just takes up a lot of time that I could spend doing other things I enjoy more, like finishing a good book or hitting the gym… and neither of those activities involves DNA cleanup.
  4. The other parts of a relationship are more important to me. Sex has varying degrees of importance depending on each individual relationship, but for me, it was always more like the icing on the cake rather than the cake itself. It made things sweeter, sure, and it was definitely necessary for a good cake, but I’ve always placed way more importance on the rest of the dessert. If I had to choose, I’d much sooner give up sex than I would give up trust, communication, or cuddles.
  5. I have to have it on the brain for it to be a priority. I’m not going to go looking for a hookup just because. I have to really be in the mood for some naked tango to actually place it in front of other stuff I’d rather just do more. It takes a lot for me to get there, so most of the time, I barely even notice when I go a long time without gettin’ some.
  6. I enjoy other stuff so much more. When it comes to spending time with my partner, I always have way more fun doing things like watching a silly movie or cooking together than I do having sex. And yes, that even goes for when the sex is the bomb-dot-com. I have fun while it’s going on, but if given the choice, I’ll usually prefer to do something a little more G-rated with my man.
  7. Yes, I’m a little insecure sometimes. I’d be lying if I said that I always felt like a sex goddess. Sometimes I feel self-conscious about my body, and it can really put a damper on the mood when things start getting hot and heavy. When I’m going through a dry spell, I at least don’t have to fret so much about if I’m shaved to perfection or if I’m having a particularly bloated day.
  8. There’s so much preparation involved. Spontaneity is fun, but cleaning up messes is not. Maybe I’m a bit type-A, but I like to be prepared before anything happens, which means making sure my body hair isn’t long enough to braid, getting anything we might need in the middle of the act within arm’s reach, and making sure there are tissues handy in case things get a little too wet. Maybe things would be a bit more enjoyable if I just relaxed and let things happen, but I know that I’ll be way more chill if I know we have everything taken care of beforehand… and unfortunately, that can be a good bit of work sometimes.
  9. If I don’t use it, I lose it. I can’t be the only woman who deals with this. When I have an active sex life, I find myself wanting it more, but when I don’t, my desire for it just kind of fades away. Once it’s lying low, it’s easy for me to go a long time without wanting it until I finally meet someone else who kicks it back into gear.
  10. I’m more about the connection than the act itself. When I do enjoy sex, it’s because I have a stellar emotional connection with my partner. In the end, that’s what makes it fun for me, not just the prospect of an orgasm. If that means I have to wait a while before getting it on with someone to make sure it’s the best experience possible, well, so be it.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.