I Like Being Spanked During Sex—Here’s Why

When it comes to “light” forms of BDSM, spanking is a common sexual act. Many women enjoy it, and if it’s totally consensual, it’s hot AF. I’m one of those women who thoroughly enjoys being spanked during sex, but let me explain why because it’s about more than just the act itself.

  1. I like being submissive. The most obvious and easiest reason to explain why I love being spanked is that I prefer to be submissive in bed. Spank me, call me your dirty whore, decide when I can and can’t orgasm—it’s just part of being submissive to a dominant I trust and it works for me.
  2. Sometimes I just need to give up control. As someone who’s pretty damn alpha outside the bedroom, inside the bedroom I like to take a break and hand over the power to my partner. Statistically, men prefer to dominate, and I’ve yet to come across a guy where that power struggle was up for debate. Basically, that means I get to sit back and relax. My need to control everything, as is the case in my day-to-day life, isn’t part of the scenario. It gives me a chance to breathe.
  3. It means I’m owning my sexuality. When you can admit to yourself and your partner that you like something in bed, no matter what it is, it’s in that moment that you own your sexuality. Human sexuality is a very interesting and complicated thing and because of this, what gets people off really runs the gamut. Although we’ve become more accepting of kinks and fetishes, for some people whose kinks are really out there—far past spanking—there can be a sense of shame attached to that desire and there really shouldn’t be. If the sexual act involves consenting adults, shame should never be part of the equation.
  4. I know it turns my partner on. Aside from that one dude who suggested I double up on my therapy when I told him I wanted to be spanked, I’ve yet to meet a guy who doesn’t love to spank. Knowing that my partner enjoys it as much if not more than I do, that’s a real turn-on for me.
  5. I like a little pain with my pleasure. The reason many people like small or large doses of pain during sexual activities is because the parts of the brain that recognize pain and pleasure are right next to each other. In being essentially bedfellows, these two sort of get-off on one another so liking my pain and pleasure as one makes perfect sense. Also, at least for me, both these sensations make me feel extra alive and I love that.
  6. It makes me feel connected to my partner. When you consent to something that’s not vanilla, you create a bond with your partner. You’re basically saying to them, “Here. This is how much I trust you, so I’m giving you this power while I’m taking away a bit of my own.” It’s really hot when you think about it, to find yourself in such a safe space where you feel completely at ease with the person who’s in bed next to you.
  7. It takes me someplace else. When I have sex, I want to go someplace else in my head. I want to stop being Amanda Chatel and just check the hell out. When I’m spanked by my partner, I feel like I’m someone else who’s someplace else and I like that. It’s exhausting to always be the same person in the same place. It’s like a mini-vacation for my brain.
  8. I feel like I’m doing something “naughty.” While as a sex writer and sex educator, I know that there’s nothing really “naughty” or “bad” about wanting to be spanked, during sex, my brain shifts and I forget what I know about the psychological desire to be spanked and the statistics about how many women like to be spanked. It’s then that being spanked makes me feel like I’m doing something that I shouldn’t and enjoying something that might be a bit taboo. Of course, in regards to kinks, being spanked is pretty vanilla and is the type of sexual act that makes my BDSM friends giggle because they know a thing or two about being “naughty.”
  9. It relieves my stress. I’m not sure if it’s combination of giving up control, the pain, the fact that I feel like I’m getting away with something, or a reason that I’ve yet to figure out, but being spanked is a stress relief for me. It’s a transference of an inner struggle and pain to the outside of my body where I can feel it and see it. It’s like how after every heartbreak I’ve had, I get a tattoo—I’m taking the inside and putting it outside and it lifts an internal weight.
  10. It’s just my thing. Why do I like being spanked? Because it gets me off! I mean, I can run through all the psychological reasons why but, at its core, it’s what gets me off and I love it. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.