Listen Up, Dudes: Here’s How Not To Be A-Holes After We Sleep With You

Whether we want to wait until we’re in a committed relationship or are cool with getting busy before that official talk doesn’t matter—what matters is that we feel safe and comfortable. Sometimes what a guy does after sex is even more important than the actual act. Listen up, dudes—here’s how not to be a jerk after we sleep with you.

  1. Stick around and cuddle. It’s no secret that for most of us, sex is a totally emotional thing. We don’t want to sleep with someone and have him leave ASAP. We definitely want to cuddle because, sometimes, the cuddling is so much better and more intimate than the sex itself. That’s when we feel like we’re totally connecting. If a guy wants to be the biggest jerk ever, he’ll get up immediately and say that he’s got to go home. Ugh.
  2. Don’t mention what “usually” happens when you have sex. It’s pretty common for most guys to get just as insecure as we do about what happens in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean that we want to hear about what your typical experience is. Please don’t tell us that you “usually” last longer or it’s never that short or anything else that you’ve done with other women. We’re just going to get weirded out and start picturing you with your ex, and no one wants that.
  3. Don’t tell us that you just want to hook up. If we haven’t made things official yet, we’re probably thinking that after we sleep with you, that’s when that talk is going to happen. We’re going to think that sex means that you’re serious about us, even if we know that’s not always the case. It’s really crappy if you tell us that you just want something casual. It’s going to make us feel like you’re just using us for sex because, well, you kind of are.
  4. Compliment us… but in a genuine way. We’re going to wonder if you think that we look good so you might as well tell us that we do. Every girl wants to hear how beautiful she looks, especially when she’s just slept with a guy. The catch, of course, is that this has to sound super real and genuine. If you just say that we look hot or something to that effect, we’ll wonder if you say that to every girl that you have sex with, and we won’t be impressed.
  5. Talk about it. Sex might be a physical thing but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have a conversation about it. When it’s over and you just lie there and don’t say anything, it makes us feel kind of empty inside and like nothing even just happened. We would totally love it if after, you told us that the sex was awesome or that you really like us (or that you love us, if we’re at that stage in our relationship) or something like that.
  6. Ask if we had an orgasm. We totally get that sometimes you can tell and sometimes you can’t, so it’s probably better if you just ask us this question. We’re not going to be offended. We’ll appreciate that you want to know and that it matters to you if we’re having a good time, too. Otherwise, we’re going to think that you only care about yourself, and that’s the most uncool thing ever.
  7. Get rid of the condom in a clean, polite way. Proper condom etiquette seems pretty simple: the guy should remove it and throw it in the garbage can, preferably in a piece of toilet paper or tissue. If you want us to think that you’re a considerate, tidy person, then please do this. If you want to be a total jerk, then go ahead, throw the condom on the floor or, worse, leave it in bed. Gross.
  8. Don’t have a shower ASAP. Remember on Sex and the City when Miranda’s boyfriend kept showering immediately after sleeping with her? It was super insulting and definitely didn’t lead to true love. If you want to make us feel horrible, then you should do this. If you want to be classy and normal, then don’t take a shower as soon as the sex is over.
  9. Sleepover/spend the day with us. If it’s late, you should ask us to stay over or sleepover at our place, depending on where we are. And if it’s the morning or afternoon, you should want to keep hanging out with us. That’s really the best way to show us that you actually care and don’t just want to hook up. And hopefully this is a pretty easy thing for you to do, or we have a bigger problem than anything weird or gross you could do after sex.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.