Guys, we get it. Sometimes it’s hard to know what women want in bed – especially when you get most of your sex advice from watching sex online, questionable pop culture trends or dudes that you’re friends with (who are also getting most of their sex moves from stuff they watch on the internet). However, I’m here to share a few things that I think a lot of women could do without in the bedroom. Do any of these sound familiar?
- Doing instead of asking. Not sure if what you’re doing to us feels good? Ask! It seems like some guys have the impression that if they actually ask a woman what they want in bed, it’s somehow admitting that they’re not Mr. Don Juan Sexpert Loverman. Hey, guess what, guys: being good in bed is all about communication. I’m going to wager that even Don Juan asked his lady friends, “Hey, does it feel good when I do this weird thing with my thumb?”
- Slamming your pelvis into us with the force of Thor. Yes, sometimes it’s fun to get a bit rough. But you know what’s not fun? A bruised pelvic bone. There’s no need to cannonball into our vagina and then pound away at it with the force of an out of control jackhammer trying to break through concrete. Ease into things. Pace yourself. We’ll let you know when it’s time for you to go harder and faster. We want to remember sleeping with you, fondly – not wince at the memory as we sit with an ice-pack on our crotch, watching House of Cards the morning after. True story.
- Only doing it doggy-style (or any other one position). Sure, it looks super hot when they do it from behind in all of those movies you downloaded from RedTube, but they have to film it that way because it allows for the best camera angles. The truth is, not every woman loves doggy style. Some women love it. Other women find that this position completely misses the mark. This is why it’s always good to mix up the positions and check in with your partner to see what they like.
- Using your teeth in all the wrong places. Sometimes an unexpected love bite on the butt can be thrilling. However, exercise caution when using your teeth – not everyone likes to be bitten. In fact, some women hate it. I’m of the school of thought that there’s nothing worse than when a guy decides to use his teeth when he goes down on you. Treat this area with care. Do not attempt to gnaw on it like it’s a cob of corn you picked up at the state fair. Consider yourself warned.
- Doing that one thing that is sure to make us come… only to stop just when things are getting really good so you can do that other weird thing that makes us feel like we’re being probed by aliens. I like to call this move “the orgasm killer.” If we’re making sounds like we’re really enjoying that thing you’re doing and we’re telling you “don’t stop”, DO NOT under any circumstances stop doing that thing. Whenever I try and explain this to guys, their response is “But if you came, then I would probably come too.” Um, isn’t that kind of the point?
- Getting kinky right away. Although the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey might lead men to believe that every woman wants to be handcuffed, tied up, spanked and choked – this is so not the case. While some of us are into these things, a lot of us want to get comfortable with a person before we share our fantasies with them. Pushing the kink right from the get go can be a huge turn-off. Consent is key, so keep your hands off of those handcuffs until we’ve had a conversation and given you the green light.