You go to school, get a job, meet that special someone, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. It’s the classic 21st century order of operations that we’ve all come to accept as the norm. While I’m down for this in theory, in real life, committing forever to another human makes my palms sweaty and my throat closes up just thinking about it.
- Forever is a mighty long time. It’s not just a Prince lyric, it’s a fact. This is one the most important and ultimate commitments you’re ever going to make in your lifetime and it’s not something that should be taken lightly. If I ever get married, I only plan on doing it once, so I want to be 100% confident in my choice. Unfortunately, that’s just not how reality works. Nothing is ever going to be 100% and that has to be OK.
- How do I know he’s “The One”? There are over seven billion people walking the planet as I write this, and using logic and basic statistics, I feel like it would be foolish to not at least question if this is the person I should be spending the rest of my life with. I don’t believe in soulmates but I do believe that we all owe it to ourselves not to settle for anything or anyone less than we deserve.
- How do I know I’m “The One” for him? I love my partner enough to question if I’m the person in this world who can make him the best, happiest version of himself. It would be selfish of me not to want the best for him as I do myself. While I do make an effort to make sure our relationship is strong and healthy, it’s hard not to wonder if I’m going to be enough.
- I’ve seen a lot of crappy marriages in my day. Growing up, we looked to our own parents to show us what a marriage and partnership should look like. The problem with that is in America, roughly 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. And if you grew up like me, your parents stayed together but it was no picnic. Do I really want to subject either of us to that?
- It’s just a piece of paper, right? If my partner and I are happy where we are, why should we go and change anything? That’s one of the most common questions I’ve seen as an argument against getting married and I have to say, I kinda get it. Marriage is expensive and there are a bunch of legal changes that have to be made. Moreover, a piece of paper isn’t going to change the way I feel about my partner. If we love each other, shouldn’t that be enough?
- Weddings stress me out. They’re so expensive and I feel like if they’re not totally fairytale-like and perfect, then the memory is ruined forever and that’s BS. Your wedding day is supposed to a special day dedicated to you and your person and the people you choose to share it with. If you’re having a panic attack because the peonies are the wrong shade of millennial pink and you need to take a Valium just to get down the aisle, I feel like you’ve let the wedding take the fun out of the day.
- I’m pretty controlling. I like being in control of my own life and my own stuff and having to share that with another person means giving them a say in how I live my life. Nothing makes me break into a cold sweat faster than my boyfriend asking me about my finances. Mostly because then I have to acknowledge to another person how not-balling I am, but also because I know he’s going to try to give me helpful advice that makes a ton of sense and is going to help me in the long run. Boo!
- I’m not the marrying type. I was never the girl who planned out her wedding as a child or tried on wedding dresses “just for fun.” The idea of getting married was never a fantasy for me. Meeting an amazing person and falling in love was always a nice idea but my priorities were always a little different. Now that I’m in a serious relationship and of marrying age, the question of marriage is proposed to me (pun intended) by others more than I think of it on my own.
- My partner doesn’t bring up marriage either. There are two things that could be going on here: either my boyfriend feels the same way I do about marriage or he’s trying not to scare me away with a bunch of wedding talk. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve discussed the idea of possibly getting married, but very briefly and in the distant future, which is just fine by me.
- I guess I should never say never. Just because I’m scared of marriage doesn’t mean I’m anti-marriage. I think two people wanting to make their love official is great. People should do what makes them happy whether it’s a balls to wall wedding extravaganza or hitting up your local courthouse to say, “I do.” Who knows, maybe one day I’ll find the courage to say those two little words too.
