If You’re Lonely Because You’re Single, You’re Living Your Life All Wrong

You might be single AF, but that doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. The single life can be a blast, filled with love and companionship, but only if you let it be. If you’re struggling with being on your own, you might just need a shift in perspective.

  1. Your life shouldn’t revolve around your relationship status. Whoever told you that your sole purpose in life was to marry a man was dead wrong. Your life has more meaning than just being the girl on some guy’s arm. You have a greater purpose than that. Just remember, the more you dedicate yourself to the other aspects of your life, then less lonely you’ll be.
  2. You might not be lucky in love, but you are lucky. It’s time to stop obsessing over the things in life you don’t have and start focusing on all the amazing things you do. Friends, family, talent, a pet, a career you love — all of those things are far from worthless. At the end of the day, you should be able to find something in your life to be thankful for and a reason to feel like you’re not alone. You might not have love (not yet, at least) but you have a lot, including a life worth living.
  3. If you want companionship, you have to leave the house. If you want to feel less lonely, then you should be going out and living your life. You don’t have a boyfriend, but you do have some amazing friends, so spend time with them. When you hit the bars, you should be enjoying the people you’re with instead of looking around for a man to catch your eye. Girls’ nights are about you and your friends. If you meet a guy, great, but so what if you don’t? At least you had a good time.
  4. Right now, your life is all about you. Stop allowing yourself to feel lonely because you don’t have a guy and start falling in love with yourself. This is the only time in your life where it’s going to be all about you. You don’t have a partner or a family to worry about. Your life is on your terms and you’re completely in control. It’s not just about what you need. It’s about what YOU want. If there was ever a time to go after your dreams, that time is now.
  5. You’re not alone — you’re free. You have to stop looking at the glass as half empty. Being single isn’t a burden, it’s freedom at its finest. You’re not tied down to anyone and that’s a good thing. Your choices are all your own — there’s no one else’s feelings to consider and no outside factors to sway your decisions. You have the freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want, so enjoy it while it lasts.
  6. If you’re lonely now, you’ll still be lonely in a relationship. A relationship isn’t going to fix your problems. Loneliness is related directly to your happiness and your general outlook on life. If you’re not fulfilled on your own, what good is a boyfriend going to do you? Do you expect him to spend every second of every day by your side? You’ll just end up a needy girlfriend and soon enough a lonely single lady again. Fix yourself first, and then and only then will you be ready for a relationship.
  7. You can’t predict the future so you need to live in the present. Whether you’re obsessively planning your future or have your head stuck in the past, not living in present time is a waste of time. You can’t change your past, so stop worrying about it and start learning from it. You can do all the planning for the future you want, but in the end, life isn’t really something you can control. Focus on what’s happening in your life right now instead.
  8. Know that happiness starts and ends with you. If you’re waiting for a man to come along and make you happy, you’re going to be waiting a long time — like, forever. No man can make you happy; that’s your job. If you’re single, there’s no better time to find your own happiness. Happiness comes from within, so even if you meet the right guy, your discomfort will follow you wherever you go.
  9. If you don’t want to be lonely, find confidence. You’re single. That’s your reality, but you have the potential to be a strong and independent woman if you want to be. Stop worrying about the fact that there’s no ring on your finger and start being confident in who you are and what an amazing life you’re leading all on your own.
  10. No matter what you think, the single life won’t last forever. You can keep focusing on your single status, but that’s only going to focus all your attention on loneliness. You have to stop looking at the single life as a punishment and learn to embrace it. This is temporary, so you have to think of it that way. Some day you’ll find “The One,” but right now is the only time you have to be by yourself. At the end of the day, you have to enjoy your alone time while it lasts.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.