The Longer You’re Single, The More You Realize These 10 Things

Spending a good chunk of time as a single woman can teach you a lot about life and yourself, but surprisingly, it can also make you realize a lot of important things about being in a relationship. If you’re just now re-entering the single girl world, don’t despair — as time passes, you’ll learn these crucial lessons that will make the next time you fall in love even better:

  1. It’s much easier to make yourself happy than it is to make someone else happy. Of course it’s nice to be able to bring a smile to the face of someone you love, but it’s not always simple. After you spend a while living the single life, you’ll almost become spoiled with how easy it is to brighten your own day, especially if you’ve ever dated someone who never seemed content no matter what you did. You might look forward to the day you’ll once again be able to spoil a partner, but your time alone will make you realize just how much work it is.
  2. Being alone is so much better than being with the wrong person. When you’re used to being in a relationship all the time, it can be tempting to try to jump right back into one after you become single again. As time moves on, though, you’ll realize that lowering your standards for the sake of not being alone isn’t worth it. Not only will you appreciate what being single has to offer, but you’ll also be less likely to stay with someone who’s not right for you when you eventually do get into a relationship again.
  3. Life’s too short to waste time on people who make you cry. Not gonna lie — getting to sleep easy at night knowing that no one is cheating on you or on the verge of breaking up with you is a huge perk to being single AF. You might have put up with a lot of crap in past relationships if you were in love with someone who hurt you on a regular basis, but after you’re single for a while, you’ll be much less likely to fall into a similar trap the next time you date someone.
  4. Being in a relationship is great, but it’s overrated. The period after you first become newly single is hell. It’s like all you can see are happy couples… none of which you’re a part of. Give it time, though — even after only a few months, you’ll start to see that the non-single life isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Sure, there are perks, but it’s not the One True Reason For Living like society pretends it is.
  5. The love you give to another person should be secondary to the love you give yourself. Too often, we put others’ happiness before our own. It’s why we stay in toxic relationships and try to help our partners even when that help comes at our own expense. Spending some time single will help you re-learn to love yourself, and when your life drastically improves as a result of it, it’ll click for you that prioritizing a partner’s happiness over your own well-being isn’t healthy. You’ll be so much better off.
  6. If your happiness depends on someone else, it’s not going to last. It’s SO cliche to repeat that tired phrase about how “happiness comes from within”, but it’s true. A good partner will make you happy, yes, but if they’re the ONLY thing making you happy, you’ll realize it fast once they exit your life. Spending time single will force you to find other things that bring you joy, whether it’s a hobby, a group of friends, or even a new job. And trust me — those will all do way more for your long-term contentment than a relationship will.
  7. “Niceness” isn’t enough to make a person right for you. How many times have you dated someone just because they were nice? Don’t feel bad — it’s an easy (and common) mistake to make. The more you’re single — and the more nice, but otherwise unsuitable people you meet — the more you’ll see that there’s so much more that goes into a good partner than basic human decency. Whoever you choose to date next is much more likely to be compatible with you in other ways, like having good sexual chemistry and similar interests.
  8. The love you get elsewhere can be just as satisfying as the love you get from a partner. When you only have eyes for one person, you might end up forgetting about all the other people in your life who care about you. Being single for a long time forces you to remember people like your friends and family members who love you unconditionally. You may not get ALL the benefits of a romantic relationship, but just knowing that these people will always have your back can be the most amazing feeling in the world.
  9. You should never be with someone who doesn’t make you feel free. One of the best parts about being super single is all that unbridled freedom you have. You can go where you want to go, do what you want to do, and yes, bang who you want to bang. While that last part probably won’t go over too well with most people you’ll get into a relationship with, the other varieties of freedom shouldn’t disappear just because you’re dating someone, and you’ll realize that once you’ve spent such a long time enjoying them as a single woman.
  10. Real love is worth waiting for. It would suck so bad if you spent all that time single only to give up and settle for someone out of loneliness or the fear of a ticking biological clock. But luckily, being single for a while will actually help you appreciate the possibility of true love that much more. You’ll have an easier time waiting it out, knowing that The One might be just around the corner. 
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.